You are not allowed to be a hippy any more

I’m very sorry Madame Blavatsky, but it is with a heavy heart that I alert you that you are no longer allowed to be a hippy. Starting today you are now going to have to start bathing everyday; forming drum circles will result in immediate internment starting the of the month.

This is really for your own good. Think about it, who were hippies before you…your parents! And now they’re all sellouts and stuff. They don’t understand you and your completely unique feelings that no one has ever felt before. Therefore, what sense does it make that you’re just regurgitating the same drivel that they were 30 some odd years ago. Heck, you’re basically just playing into their hands by growing your hair long, wearing the same Che shirt every day, and smoking pot everyday after a game of ultimate Frisbee. Is that what you want? To be little robots for the corporations! This is why I have to save you from yourselves.

But worry not; Hobbes isn’t going to leave you high and dry in terms of political identification. Starting tomorrow, you are all going to be “physiocrats.” Just imagine how brilliant and freethinking that girl in Eco 211 will think you are when you’re advocating the political thought of the 19th century. If that doesn’t get her hot under the collar nothing will.

And the best part is that this won’t take any more work than you put into being a hippy; which, judging by the fact you stared at me blankly when I mentioned Blavatsky, I’m guessing wasn’t much. If anyone ever tries to trap you by asking what you believe, just start ranting about the artifice of cities and the glamour of farm life. The corporate shill in them will have caused them to just stare blankly at you by this point so you should be able to leave with your dignity.

And don’t worry, once physiocrat sells out and becomes the norm, I’ll be right here telling all those tractor drivers to become mercantilists, and enlightening them to the wonders of global trade.

As a way of holding onto a few of the small trappings of hippidom, and easing the transfer away from it…hot girls can keep a philosophy of freelove