Tom Brady could possibly ruin your life

The media has reported a few months back that Tom Brady has broken up with longtime girlfriend Bridget Moynahan. Yet, it seems like men everywhere are dwelling on the point of how hard it would be for anyone to ever date Bridget again because her last boyfriend was Brady.

Well, let us think about this shall we.

Tom Brady…
A Multi-millionaire GQ model Future NFL Hall of Fame New England God with humility and a charm that makes even grandma blush. Oh yeah, he’s also got 3 Super Bowl rings and all at the ripe old age of 28. Chances are that if you’re a woman than Tom Brady is pretty much the perfect guy. I’m just gonna go out on a limb here and say that Tom Brady can probably date whoever he wants. Even if you’re a Colts fan.

Now the shoes to fill by Moynahan’s next boyfriend will be large indeed, but what would be worse than being her new beau? That role will be filled by being the ex-boyfriend of whoever it is Tom Brady decides to date next.

Put yourself in those shoes. You break up with your girl and you’re thinking to yourself she’s never going to do better than me; I’m nice, fairly attractive, I have a nice car and a steady income. I’m an accountant at H and R Block for Christ sakes! I’m a catch! I’ll land on my feet. Or maybe you think, oh she’ll come to her senses and she’ll be back in a month begging me to see her again.

Then you see her out one night at dinner with Tom Brady.

Now I imagine that a moment of realization of this grand of a magnitude would completely decimate ever ounce of your soul. You wouldn’t get out of bed for months. Every Sunday would turn black like death and every Sports Center would be riddled with your inadequacy.

Think about being “that guy” who find out that his girlfriend didn’t just find someone better than you, she found a guy that you couldn’t even compare with on any level. Oh,you ran track in high school? Maybe played some minor league ball? Greatest astrophysicists the world has ever seen? Well this guy won 3 rings while billions watched and he’s not even 30 yet!

The guy’s last Super Bowl story dwarfs the greatest story you’ve ever told her. And remember those times when you and her used to sit outside and laugh while having romantic dinners at that restaurant on the lake? Well, Tom Brady just bought that restaurant.

Tom Brady is a hero to millions and is now dating you ex-girlfriend. Tom FREAKING Brady! And it slowly dawns on you that she won’t coming back. He will give her money and fame and anything her little heart desires. She has now become just another part of your history. Even that little tiny corner of your mind that always holds out hope under the most dire of distances and obstacles…

Gone. I mean you may be delusional, but nobody is that delusional.

So from now on, I’d like for men everywhere to make a note of this historic occasion. Because when things go bad with a woman and you see her sometime down the line at a restaurant with her new boyfriend; no matter how rich, famous or powerful he is, I can always sigh and say “At least she’s not dating Tom Brady…”