Recently, my roommates and I invested in purchasing several house tickets in the State Lottery. Since we had just accepted the fact that we had already won, because no one else has figured out to purchase several tickets in a group, we started expressing through verbal communication what our little hearts desired. Among the wild dreams and fantasies of the house full of bright young college students I started to wonder what could go wrong on some of the ideas in the Amazon dot com wish list of our minds. So here now are some ideas, and extremely accurate predictions of what would happen indubitably.
Beer Money: Always a popular choice among us young Al Anon hopefuls. Beer is a necessity, and if it means that I need to get Baloo to sing about it on the streets, I will plant this message in the young, soon-to-be corrupt, minds of the future generations of the student body. But here is the problem with a lottery award worth of beer. The delivery would be transported to your house by a convoy of glorious beer trucks, and that's where it hits. Four different independent underground heists perfectly timed and coordinated to begin stealing beer. They come from each direction. From the north it's the underage dormers, somewhat clumsy, but usually able to get their job done; in the south you've got your athletes, its best to let them take it, because they can carry vast amounts of beer and they move fast. The best bet of what group to stop, is to concentrate on the computer nerds with a collaboration of light weight chem. students coming from the east, they have one distinct weakness, a baseball bat to the knees. And don't worry about the guys coming from the west, those are the guys that you hired so that a portion of the beer could be claimed and replaced in full.
Let's spend it all on POT!: Another popular choice, is to spend millions of dollars on brick after brick of Marijuana. Here is the problem with this idea; the transport would need to be done over four days, so the heat won't catch on. It will be done with 4 large Chinook helicopters painted to look like 4 small Chinook helicopters. Once the booty is secured, you then have three main problems. First is the risk of insects and rodents itching to get a taste of your very own pole barn full of sticky icky. Second you have the dastardly burglars sneaking into your domicile and leaving unknowingly with copias amounts of prime time herbage. Last we have the worst, spoilage. Spoilage is an atrocity, which not only spoils the jingles of stoners, but also hastened our forefathers from completing Oregon Trail ahead of schedule. It might also have had something to do with young Josephine from dieing of dysentery.
I'm going to save and invest and give to charity!: There is always this choice, for those people who need to feel like they are better than the regular swingin' dick. But here is my analysis. Why the hell would you want to invest and give money to charity while you're young? It's much better to do all that when you're old and dieing and trying to score good behavior points just in case there is a heaven and an afterlife. So instead of starving the basic wants of human corruption, fill them, feed them, make them the fattest fucking vices of any other Johnny on the spot in your school. I mean it might not be a bad idea to accidentally put like half of it into a high interest long term CD, but it has to be accidental, just to save face.
Buying One Million Popsicles: This idea is of the same situation, but it occurred in a conversation with a friend of mine when she asked me what I would do with one million dollars. One million popsicles is a bad idea. Before you can even think about purchasing a million popsicles you need to think outside the box. Where would I put them? Well one can either go with buying some land for a large building in which to store them or renting the Coors Light Freezer Train. "Lets hear about buying land." When buying land you would need to pay for construction, labor, Stagecoach and payroll robbery insurance, water works, and electric company, whatever kickbacks you have to pay the community chest, high end freezers, and a chair in which to eat your frosty treats. But at the end of all the preparation you will only have enough money to buy one Popsicle. This will cause you to turn to drinking and drugs to numb the pain, but you can't because you just spent your last dollar on one god damned blue popsicle. And the option on renting the Freeze train, well that would be way more than a mill.
There is no good option on what to do when winning the lottery as a college student, except one thing. Drop out of school, move to a desolate island where the government cannot reach you, and throw the biggest kegger/BYOB ever to see the south pacific. Rock and Roll Hoochie-COO!!!!