-God hates it when you’re fat
-God hates it when you’re walking through the hall and you avoid the eyes of someone you really don’t want to talk to
- Getting hit in the nads brings you closer to God
-Ignoring an unplanned pregnancy as long as realistically possible brings you closer to God
- Drinking exquisite wine out of crystal flutes and eating decadent pastries brings you closer to God
- Accurately and faithfully following the instructions in the K’nex packaging to create the automated ferris-wheel brings you closer to God
- The Die Hard Triology is directly based off of the New Testament, and thus can be used as a model for good Christian values
*- God doesn’t answer prayers because he’s been obsessing over Wii Bowling
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