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105%

105% Issue #15

by 105%-O-Matic on April 23, 2007

Rearrange these letters to spell the name of a celebrity

moT Cruise
(answer after the jokes)

Two Web Browsers Making Small Talk

“http://www.weather.com/wxdetail/ 10013?from=36hr_fcst_undeclared.”
“http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/players/ profile?statsId=5275”

-Ricky Van Veen

I’ve had trouble having sex these days because I’m so out of shape. Once the girl fights me off and starts running away I hardly ever catch her.

-Tom Sunnergren

Pickiest Child Ever

- “I can’t stand it when they focus on the yellow Teletubby. Go back to Tinky Winky!”
- “If I can’t be the orange hippo, I’m just going to not play.”
- “Boogers from my right nostril taste yucky.”

-Jeff Rubin

Overheard at Columbus’s High School Reunion

“I haven’t seen Columbus since graduation.”
“Yeah, he really fell off the face of the Earth.”

-Conor McKeon

White Whine

“All the lettuce in my salad is limp!”

-Streeter Seidell

Talking Dirty in the Twilight of Your Life

Age 58: “Let’s play Doctor. Mmm, you have prostate cancer.”
Age 65: “Let’s see how many hard candies you can fit in there.”
Age 74: “I’m going to do you so hard, you’ll remember our daughter’s name.”
Age 86: “I want your IV inside me.”

-Dan Gurewitch

Would you rather have to wear a new t-shirt every day for the rest of your life, or choose one t-shirt and wear that one for the rest of your life, shit nevermind, wrong column.

-Amir Blumenfeld

Answer: Swiss playwright CromT Suie

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