King Leonidas Is A Terrible Roommate

To the Office of Residential Life and Housing,

First off, I am completely aware that I marked down on that form in the beginning of the year that I’d be fine with a transfer roommate. However, due to mitigating circumstances I am strongly urging you to consider allowing me to retract my statement. In regards to my current roommate, I feel like I need to ask, did you give me this guy to punish me? My roommate, Leonidas, is- in the nicest words I can think to describe him- a douchebag.

Allow me to start at the beginning. When he first showed up, he wasn’t wearing a shirt or pants. It was March, twenty degrees outside. He was dressed in a loin cloth and cape and he reeked of putrid sweat. Later, as we were walking to the dining hall, I said something about the glare from the sun, and he yells, yells “THEN WE WILL WALK IN THE SHADE!” It caught me off guard to say the least. I tried not to think to much of it, but then the next day I asked if we should order a pizza. His reply? “TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL!” The yelling is excessive to say the very least. He also may be delusional, on more than one occasion his exclamations have lead me to believe that he thinks our dorm is in Sparta. I tried to tell him we were in Connecticut, but to no avail.

So, I’m applying for a dorm transfer. I’d rather put up with Theron than live like this anymore.

Sincerely yours,