The DMV is basically a shit hole to begin with so it’s understandable if you think that shitting there is acceptable. But when you’ve been waiting in line since 5:59 am, diarrhea is not going to move you from your God given position. So what are you going to do? Your gunna fucking let that shit sit in your pants and take it like a man, that’s what! Hopefully the smell of half digested Mexican food will cause a few people to leave the line, getting you one step closer to that new license you’ve always wanted. The DMV is a bad place to get diarrhea, but the key is making diarrhea your ally and not an enemy.
3. Thanksgiving with your girlfriend’s parents
More likely than not, shitting at the dinner table during this most festive holiday of the year is not cool. Picture it, you’re all enjoying a nice turkey dinner, her father wants to take you sailing on the lake, her mother wants to buy you some nice dress clothes. Then suddenly you bring some extra gravy to the table. Before you know it big daddy is sending out the attack dogs and her mother is calling all her neighbors telling them that her daughter dates a guy who shits his pants. Nice job dumb ass, if you’re lucky she’ll stay with you, but we both know that’s not going to happen, don’t we.
2. Sports game
So there you are at the game, beer in one hand hot dog in the other, and now ….shit in the pants. Great now you’ve done it. God knows you’re not going to miss this game so leaving is not an option. Besides when you try to slide past the people in your row they’re going to get a nice big ass in their face that smells of liquid shit. So there you are sitting there with a deposit in your pants and all you can do is play it cool and pray no one starts the wave, because the second you get up out of your seat your shit stains will be projected all over that big screen and the whole stadium will laugh at you and in unison call you a poopy pants.
1. At the Altar
First of all, nice job on committing yourself to one vagina for the rest of your life, that being said diarrhea at the altar is not cool. You spent a grand on that tux rental, you’re whole family is there, and more importantly your bros are there too. Then suddenly as you drop the “I do” you drop a deuce in your 200 dollar honeymoon boxers. A hush falls over the crowd as the shit falls down your pants and runs over your 400 dollar dress shoes. And for those wearing a white tux forget it, those shit stains can be seen from the moon. So there you are shitting your pants at the altar, she’s crying, your family is embarrassed, your uncle Larry thinks it’s hilarious, and your bros are all pointing at your ass. Nice huh? Maybe in a few years when everyone forgets what happened you can play it off like you left her ass at the altar but odds are no one can forget shit like that.