Doctor: Do you want a painkiller during the delivery?

Mrs. Beck: Oh no Doctor- my husband and I both agree that we want to have a natural birth.

Doctor: So you’ll be taking the forest package?
Mrs. Beck: Yes.

Doctor: Excellent choice- nothing more natural than a birthing in the woods; none of that faux artificial delivery room.

Mrs. Beck: As far as the bed, nothing too comfortable-

Doctor: Bed? Oh no- that doesn't sound very natural; you can lie on the soil. The tools! Would you like our standard birthing tools or our natural birthing tools?

Mrs. Beck: Well the natural ones do sound intriguing.

Doctor: Yes ma’am; I’ve got a whole kit full of tools- one hundred percent tree-wood. And totally unsanitized too- nothing more natural than infections.

Mrs. Beck: Do they-

Doctor: -still have the bark? Of course, just seems naturaler that way. This isn’t some pawn-shop hospital. No, none of those "metal" do-whats for us; it's just a dirty sack full of sticks and rocks, really.

Mrs. Beck: So you have actually used these before?

Doctor: Well not me of course. You need a natural doctor: an Indian.
Mrs. Beck: An Indian doctor?

Doctor: Don’t be silly- an Indian with no medical training whatsoever. And naked.