The G-Rated Booty Call

Two teacher’s assistants at a local preschool find themselves attracted to one another. Although well into adulthood, they are at a loss when it comes to the intricacies of hooking up. Constant exposure to small children and family-oriented entertainment has left them able to express themselves only through the vaguest of mild euphemisms. This is their story…

Kevin: Hi, is this Shelly?

Shelly: Um, yes. Who’s calling?

K: This is Kevin, you know, from the daycare?

S: Oh, hi! How are you?

K: Fine, fine. I was calling because, well, I was kind of wondering…

S: Yeah?

K: Well, you know, if you would like to get together some time.

S: Sure. For what?

K: Um, you know, the “play-date” we talked about, for our “little ones”?

S: Oh, right! Sure, sure. I understand now. The “play-date”.

K: When would you like to get together?

S: Hold on, mister. We don’t even know if our “kids” like each other yet!

K: Um, okay. How will we know?

S: Well, what does yours like to do?

K: …

S: Kevin?

K: Yeah, um, well… He likes to get up early in the morning.

S: Okay, what else?

K: He likes to rough-house and play around.

S: I see.

K: So, what does your “little one” like to do?

S: I, um, she likes to just kind of hang out. You know, she’s kind of a homebody.

K: So no outdoorsy stuff? Dirt-biking, maybe?

S: Well, she’s not averse to it, but…

K: It’s okay, my little guy just kind of hangs around most of the time too.

S: Good then, we’ll have to get ‘em together!

K: What about swimming?

S: What?

K: You know, go for a dip?

S: Um… Isn’t that a little unsafe?

K: Well, I mean, we’d have to get flotation stuff. You know, life-jackets and flippers and all that.

S: Flippers?

K: Well, you know, for later on when they’ve advanced a little.

S: Right, I guess that would be okay.

K: Alright! So when should we get together?

S: Maybe this weekend would be good, she’s got stuff to do this week, ballet and all that.

K: Um… Okay. Sounds good, I guess.

S: I’ll see you Saturday then?

K: Sure. One thing…

S: Yeah?

K: We are talking about fucking, right?

S: …