Staff Picks

K W Schroeder

Gracious Tips for Further Success: Fall Out Boy

by K W Schroeder on

Dear Fall Out Boy,
You’ve been on the music scene for a while and seem to be doing pretty well for yourselves. Many kudos, my friends. However, I feel that, like many bands, you lack a certain gloss that is requisite in prolonged success in the mainstream music community. Below, I have listed a few things which you must consider to enjoy a long, illustrious career as one of America’s most brilliant musicalacts.
Thank you,
A ConcernedFan
What You Must Do:
1)Die.
2)Die in a fire.
3)Fuck off and die.
4)Eat shit and die.
5)Take a long walk off a short pier.
6)Go fuck yourselves.
7)Get fucked.
8)Fuck you.
9)(see suggestion #1)
10)Stop wearing manliner.
See More Popular Articles
Like this Article
URL Close
K W Schroeder

K W Schroeder

View Profile
Recent Articles
More
uPick
Idiotech Technology fails See All »
Up +80 Down
A Christmas Larceny

I used to work for a chinese computer company that no longer exists; one Christmas Eve a man comes into the store right as we are closing and counting money and insists that we start up the Point of Sale system again and sell him the video card he reserved online. We tell him that the computers have been shut down and all the transactions of the day batched and sent to the... Read More » credit card vendor. He keeps telling us that it's already paid for etc. and we keep telling him we can't process any more transactions until the morning of Dec. 26th. He then takes out a revolver and makes us lay on the floor while he steals the cash drawers and takes off. Turns out he had in fact reserved the video card online and his full name, address and phone number were in the system along with his email address; i bet his New Year sucked.