An Open Letter to Facebook From Creepy Stalker Guy

Dear Facebook,

Hi there, it’s the Creepy Stalker Guy. As you no doubt are aware, spring has sprung and the weather is getting much sunnier, which means two things: I have to keep my curtains closed almost the whole day so I don’t get glare on my TV screen and, more importantly, chicks in bikinis.

I am writing this letter because, although your site makes it much easier to creep on girls, I feel that you can make this task even easier by implementing a new category under girls’ photos. In addition to “photos they own” and “photos owned by others”, I think the addition of a “photos in swimwear” designation would save stalkers like yours truly lots of time sifting through page after page of girls dressed in neon-colored headbands apparently going to some 80’s party where they don’t show any skin. Some of these girls have over 1,000 pictures! With the amount of girls that I stalk, that’s a lot of time going through pictures! Help a brother out!

So, in closing, I implore you to implement this new feature. And who knows? If it’s popular enough, maybe you can add a “photos in lingerie” or “photos slightly sapphic” section. Thanks again.

Yours truly,
Creepy Stalker Guy