"105percent" Articles

90 total
All (90) Articles

  • 105%

    Article:

    Issue Ninety

    Our Monthly Holiday Issue!My argument for white pizzaWarm toasted bread, melted cheese, and mashed vegetables. Which of these doesn't belong? Also, I'm racist.-Ben JosephDefinitions for "Waffle Balls"1.Delicious dessert topping, 2.Aftermath of...

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    By 105%-O-Matic
    104 / 151 Comments / 3 weeks ago

  • 105%

    Article:

    Issue Eighty-Nine

    Santa's not real -- he's just so phony.So I got this new bumper sticker that I really like. It reads, MY ONLY CAR IS MY BIKE. I went to put it on and realized I had a problem: I have no hands.-Ben KesslerI thought getting my dog drunk would be...

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    By 105%-O-Matic
    120 / 205 Comments / 1 month ago

  • 105%

    Article:

    Issue Eighty-Eight

    The future is... nnnnowwww. Now. Now!The only good thing about the recession is that I no longer feel guilty about majoring in English. Now I won't get a job after graduating no matter what my major is.-Eddie SmallT.G.I.F.Thank Gregorian It's...

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    By 105%-O-Matic
    85 / 177 Comments / 1 month ago

  • 105%

    Article:

    Issue Eighty-Seven

    The creamed onions to the Internet's Thanksgiving.How sad is it that the best dog actors only get to work with the worst human ones?-Will GuthNew plot for a Jason Statham movieIf his character does not kick enough ass in an hour and a half, his...

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    By 105%-O-Matic
    91 / 88 Comments / 1 month ago

  • 105%

    Article:

    Issue #86

    Brought to you by James' Bond, the world's most exciting financial guide. My Grandmother just turned 84 last week. I sent her a birthday card with a check for $10 in it. -Kevin S. How come when a man talks nasty...

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    By 105%-O-Matic
    100 / 149 Comments / 2 months ago

  • 105%

    Article:

    Issue #85

    Good to the last drop, at which point it becomes excruciating.If Waldo is always trying to hide why doesn't he wear clothes that don't stand out as much?-Derek HusarPolitically CorrectThis must be how white people felt when George Washington...

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    By 105%-O-Matic
    63 / 106 Comments / 2 months ago

  • 105%

    Article:

    Issue #84

    Kid tested, FDA approvedMy friend said my new goatee made me look like a pedophile. Which is ridiculous, those charges were dropped.-John Von GuntenWhenever I see on the news that the police call off the search for a missing person, it always...

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    By 105%-O-Matic
    73 / 60 Comments / 2 months ago

  • 105%

    Article:

    Issue #83

    Reading this while smoking may cause lung disease.Bipolar movie review"I laughed! I cried! Then I went and saw the movie!"-Patrick CasselsMy father had a huge heart. The doctors think that's why it exploded out of his chest.-Ben And AdamI decided...

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    By 105%-O-Matic
    111 / 101 Comments / 2 months ago

  • 105%

    Article:

    Issue #82

    We're calling from inside the house. I found a penny and got really happy because I knew that when I picked it up, I would have good luck for the rest of the day! It was 11:57 PM. Five minutes later a hobo spit on me. It was his hat I...

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    By 105%-O-Matic
    49 / 98 Comments / 3 months ago

  • 105%

    Article:

    Issue #81

    Some assembly suggested.I almost hit a female deer on my way home last night. I guess she didn't like my cologne.-Jed GrandmaisonSarah Palin was right when she said her son with down syndrome is a gift from God, now she has a family member more...

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    By 105%-O-Matic
    51 / 92 Comments / 3 months ago

  • 105%

    Article:

    Issue #80

    This week's episode: "The Prague Heist!" I really hate swimming. Except when I'm drowning. Then I suddenly think its awesome.-Andrew GundrumPriceline Hostage NegotiatorGunman: If you don't get me a plane, I'm gonna start offin' hostages!PHN:...

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    By 105%-O-Matic
    135 / 120 Comments / 3 months ago

  • 105%

    Article:

    Issue #79

    The funniest webpage since Gallagher.com folded. Stone and rock: essentially the same thing, until used as verbs. -Abby H. Incredibly accurate "Yo Momma" jokes -Yo momma's so fat she is at major risk for coronary heart disease -Yo...

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    By 105%-O-Matic
    66 / 91 Comments / 3 months ago

  • 105%

    Article:

    Issue #78

    Free for all! Entertaining for none!I hate when people tell me a book is a real page turner. I know how books work.-Steve SchraderI've always fancied myself as a sort of "Renaissance Man", in that my lack of hygiene and sanitation knowledge has...

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    By 105%-O-Matic
    93 / 84 Comments / 3 months ago

  • 105%

    Article:

    Issue #77

    More fun than a barrel of monkeys struggling to breathe.Honest Crotch GrabWhoa, is that your cell phone, or is your cube-shaped d*ck vibrating?-Sarah SchneiderI know I'm dealing with an idiot when someone tells me "nothing rhymes with orange",...

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    By 105%-O-Matic
    134 / 94 Comments / 4 months ago

  • 105%

    Article:

    Issue #76

    Yet another reason to scorn the illiterate. Practical Legal Advice If a jury finds someone guilty of prostitution, it's probably not a great idea for the judge to sentence him/her to community service. -Conor McKeon I don't think...

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    By 105%-O-Matic
    85 / 96 Comments / 4 months ago

  • 105%

    Article:

    Issue #75

    All reading. No learning.I don't know who started the myth that mixing Pop Rocks and Coke will kill you. In me and my friends' experience, the Pop Rocks are completely unnecessary.-Giancarlo FiorentiniHonest Pick-Up LineAre you from Tennessee?...

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    By 105%-O-Matic
    99 / 76 Comments / 4 months ago

  • 105%

    Article:

    Issue #74

    The reason the Japanese invented vowels.What All Chinese Fortune Cookies Should SayYou are about to take a dump in 10 minutes.-Nghia NguyenIf 24 Was Set During Daylight Savings Time"The following events take place between 2 AM and 2 AM."-Shawn...

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    By 105%-O-Matic
    117 / 104 Comments / 4 months ago

  • 105%

    Article:

    Issue #73

    We want to rock 'n' roll all night, party every day, and snag a few nap hours in-between.There's nothing more annoying to me than when a group of people start doing the Electric Slide. Which is why I only attend Amish weddings.-Conor McKeonHow to...

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    By 105%-O-Matic
    89 / 77 Comments / 4 months ago

  • 105%

    Article:

    Issue #72

    Brought to you by Scrabulous: Home EditionWikipedia Should Change the Default For These Pages- Anthrax- Halo-GUTS-Jeff RubinI don't like post-apocalyptic films. I like present-apocalyptic films. Like Apocalypse Now.-Shawn PearlmanWhat Taco Bell...

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    By 105%-O-Matic
    116 / 95 Comments / 4 months ago

  • 105%

    Article:

    Issue #71

    It's like The Great Gatsby of writing.Places I Want To Go Before I DieThe Hospital.-Tyler BrummetThey say dog is man's best friend. Which makes the fact that my girlfriend slept with my dog even more unacceptable.-Dan ChoReal Questions that Sound...

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    By 105%-O-Matic
    165 / 147 Comments / 4 months ago

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