Dear Journal,

Last week I performed at a college in Walla, Walla Washington, which as far I'm concerned is one too many "wallas."� I think at the point we gave the Indians blankets with smallpox, we could have stopped using their town names. So I fly to Seattle and drive through the Cascade mountains. A little advice for driving through the mountains: You're gonna want to get some gas ahead of time. About half way through my gas tank is on empty and so I did what any logical person would do. I drove faster. That way I could avoid the suspense of running out of gas and just cut to that standing on the side of the road thing. So I'm going like 100 miles an hour through a mountain and I'm doing that thing you do when you're in a dire situation, I was like "If I get to a gas station, I am going to donate all of my clothing to the tsunami fund and I'm going to eat only vegetables. And then I got to a gas station and I was like "forget that plan- I'd like a full tank of gas and some combos."� It's amazing how quickly your thoughts can go from "I think I'm gonna die"� to "I think I'd like Fig Newtons."�

So I get to to the school and the show is scheduled at noon, which I had known, but what Ilocation designated for studying. And so I have to walk on "stage"� and start telling jokes. And I didn't know who to feel sorry for: me or the people trying to study. There's like 15 people trying to study biology and I'm in their face going "the thing about panda bears"¦"� So I felt really bad. But then I remembered some jokes I had written about Paramecium and Mitochondria- "How many mitochondria does it take to power a cell? One. Because mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell."� Afterwards, I went to a local restaurant called "The Depot"� and had an ice cream pie shaped like a baked potato, wasn't told was that the show would be in the middle of their study hall. So some of the people were there to see me and a lot of the people were just studying. In the which was the best thing that happened on the trip. And it was perfect because from now on, I'm only eating ice cream shaped like a vegetable. And that concludes this week's entry in my secret public journal.