The Petty Crime Hall Of Fame

by John Hallmann on November 30, 2005
The exploits of petty thieves are often just as daring and audacious as those of thieves who chase after priceless compositions of artwork, precious gems, and vast sums of cash are stolen every day. These masters of the vocation aren't caught up in the materialism, which pervades our country. For them, it is about doing a job, and doing it well. Petty theft is an art form when done by professionals. For years these man have been cast aside as nothing more than small time thieves. It is a shame such skill and professionalism goes unnoticed. These are their stories.

Monticello, Virginia 2002 Monticello, the grand and timeless home of Thomas Jefferson is the sanctuary of many priceless antiquities and pieces of artwork. Its high profile made it an unlikely target for the designs of petty thieves.
During a morning tour of the mansion, two armed men overpowered a tour guide. They made their way to the gift shop and tossed several ashtrays into a backpack and dove out an open window. Investigators discovered that in the thieves' haste, one seems to have been injured upon landing in an evergreen bush situated outside the window. A blood trail led to the parking lot and there ended.
No financial reward has been offered for information leading to the arrest of the thieves. Nevertheless, it would undoubtedly be appreciated.


Des Moines, IA 1998 Two masked, armed men entered a Walgreen's drugstore and purchased two 32 oz. bottles of Gatorade. While seemingly paying for their purchases in the manner of legitimate customers, the thieves had meanwhile stashed several bottles of shampoo and conditioner inside of their cargo pants. Cashiers were shocked that the men had managed to make off with the products without arousing suspicion. Security cameras would later affirm doubts over whether the clerks had been paying attention.
The bottles were missing for three days before being discovered unused in the abandoned getaway car.
Why had the thieves chosen not to keep their stolen loot? No one can truly say.


Boston, MA 2003 A man disguised as a police officer arrived at a 7-11 in the early evening in response to a disturbance on the grounds. The attendant didn't recall calling in a disturbance, but welcomed the officer inside hoping to induce a sale of coffee and donuts.
Shortly after being let inside, the police officer attired man hand cuffed the clerk to a display rack and proceeded to consume several bottles of Snapple. As he departed he placed several bags of Funyuns, Cool Ranch Doritos, and tortilla chips under his arm and walked out. He returned moments later and made off with a container of Mild Salsa.
As time has passed, authorities have become increasingly worried that the stolen goods will never be recovered.


Madison, WI 2004 Police presume that an 80-foot tunnel, which led from a deserted office building to a Jamba Juice outlet, was the handy work of the Norwegian Mafia who are prevalent in the city. The gangsters rented the building under false names.
Authorities speculate that the tunnel took nearly two months to complete.
After reaching the juice outlet the thieves proceeded to concoct several smoothies and infusions with ingredients and equipment they found in the vicinity.
A note was attached to a blender claiming that the motive of the heist was to illustrate the poor security of the outlet.


Raleigh, NC 2001 Possibly the most burgled dentist office on the east coast of North America, was burgled just days after having recovered several magazines that had been stolen months earlier by a disturbed, acne covered teenager.
The heist occurred in the wee hours of the morning after the thief cautiously emerged from his hiding place behind a potted plant. The morning prior, the receptionist recalled hearing the door bell chime as someone entered the establishment but not seeing anyone approach the check in desk. The man is believed to have spirited behind a potted plant and to have concealed himself there for the next fifteen hours.Under the cover of dark, the thief rummaged through the office materials and made away with several pads of stationary, and a few boxes of paperclips and rubber bands.The thief escaped from the crime scene by motorboat which he had waiting in the nearby marina.
A lengthy investigation eventually resulted in the recovery of several pads of paper, but authorities fear the remaining materials may have been sold or mangled beyond recognition.
The dentist office is now in the process of installing safeguards to prevent further delinquency.
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