Hey, ladies. Read the title above. I mean it with all my heart. Chivalry is dead, and so may be your honor.

You've got nails and teeth. Those are like built in knives. Use them. For once, how about I get drunk and yell at the big guy across the bar for no reason, and then tell him that YOU are going to kick his ass. That should be fun. It'll be awesome to see you run full force at him in your stiletto heels and half-a-shirt that reads "MILF in Training."�

From now on, after you yell something to the jock across the bar minding his business, I'll just lean up against the wall and act like I don't know you. I don't want you to get punched in the face or anything like that, so I'll be sure to hand you a football helmet to wear as protection. See? I do still care about you.

You may be thinking that your boyfriend will always be behind you, defending your good name. That only applied in the Victorian ages when women wore chastity belts and the only way of impressing them was: A. singing outside of their window or B. Killing a man. Now all it may take is a good night out at O' Charlie's.

Does this sound mean? Well, maybe it's because I'm not into olde' timey duels. I've never actually been in one of said duels, but that's because I never want to be. And if you keep acting like you do, I'm going to get an olde' timey bullet in my new timey stomach much sooner than I'd like.

Honestly, where was it written that I have to always fight for you? I can't recall ever reading that anywhere. Sure, my parents told me to do it. But they also told me not to do drugs and get good grades. I put an end to that bullshit in the third grade.

All in all, don't think I won't fight for you when it's actually needed. Untrue. Perhaps if a giant squid attacks our sub when we're deep below the sea. You can rest assured that I'd fight to bring that motherfucker back to surface as fast as possible. However, that'll also be to save my fucking ass. If I have to, I may throw you out the hatch to save weight. No, I'm not saying your fat. I'm saying it's just funnier if you get crushed by the monster's mighty beak.

So it's not like I'll never fight for you, I just think its time you shut up and put up your dukes. You gotta' grow up sometime and where's a better place to grow than in a drunken bar fight at 2 a.m. with a man that out weighs you by 200 pounds?