Things Jack Bauer Won't Say

by Paul Scheer on January 26, 2006
I love 24! Each season just keeps getting better and better. All while Jack Bauer (Kiefer Sutherland) is becoming more and more of a bad ass, he's the best action hero of all time. People are starting to wonder if there is there anything he won't say.

So since I consider myself a 24 aficionado, I have come up with a list of things that Jack Bauer would never say...


"Everybody Calm Down...I brought enough Snackwells for all of us."





"If you put a gun to my head, I'd have to say Cloris Leechman was my favorite actor in Spanglish"





"More mayonnaise!"






"Who read my journal? Seriously, that's private."






(Aftering Injurying Himself) "Samson's cat...that smarts!"





"I can't believe Edgar has more MySpace buddies than me."





"I'm so bummed, I forgot to TIVO Skating with the Stars last night."





"Anyone see my troll pen?"






"Happy Birthday, I knitted this for you"





"Who's Djing at Liquid tonight?"





"My first puppy was named Snuggles and my 2nd puppy is name Sparkles"





"I want to be in charge of Secret Santa this year"





"Guys I just took this Internet quiz that says the OC character I'm most similiar too is Caleb, Ugh"





"These Ugg Boots aren't as comfortable as my last pair"





"I put some of my famous risotto in fridge, help yourself"




And finally


"Mr. President, can we just hug?"

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