This week I've come to grips with the fact that I'm addicted to cable news and I think it's because they make everything seem important.

Because there are these laser sound effects like,

"Pachoo- Are your kids having sex at THE MALL?"�

But I don't think "pachoo"� is the appropriate sound effect for the news unless of course aliens invade the earth. But at this point if they did invade we wouldn't have any idea. We'd be like "That pachoo sound just means there's been a development in the Scott Peterson trial."�

But they use the laser sounds for "Breaking News."� But the thing about breaking news is that doesn't even have to be true. They'll be like, "Breaking news, we've heard that some guy in New Jersey might be a terrorist. This may not be true, but in the meantime watch this commercial for the new Chevy Avalanche."� Some people say there's bias in the news, but I think the news is just trying to get you to purchase products like Levitra or Larry King's favorite "Garlique."�

I think worst of all are the debate shows, which tend to only give time to the extremes of each side. They're like "on the left we have a poetry slam champion with a 7 inch goatee and a face tattoo and on the right a man from the 1800s wearing a bow tie and a monacle. And then you have to choose, I'm like "I guess I'm with face tattoo, but the robber baron makes some strong points as well."�

So I've sworn off TV news, Journal. Maybe I'll read a paper, or maybe I'll just look out the window to make sure aliens aren't invading or trying to have sex with my kids at the Mall.

That concludes this week's entry in my PACHOOO! Secret Public Journal.