High school yearbook: Let's be honest for a second. You just weren't thinking clearly when you packed this. No one, and I'm not exaggerating at all when I say, absolutely no one wants to see your high school year book. Not a single person in your dorm even cares that you went to high school. The yearbook can now serve as a food tray, beer coaster, or most likely, a porn magazine.
Desk lamp: When have you ever turned this on? All the little "compartments" at its base for pens, pencils, tacks and change are empty and collecting dust. Allow me to suggest turning it into a heat lamp for your Jergens© lotion. Not following? Have you ever masturbated with warm lotion? It's Heaven. Enough said. Oh and if you're one of those kids that "doesn't masturbate" try incubating baby chickens. Or killing yourself.
Condoms: Probably the most depressing thing you're not using. And actually, even if you are having sex, you're still not using them. Their new practical use is as a change purse. Good news though, when has carrying a change purse failed to get a dude laid?
Mirror: Ever since you started gaining all that weight and stopped shaving you've been avoiding your pasty, scraggly face at all costs. Looking for a better use for that mirror your mom bought at Target for no reason? Set it up so it can reflect with the window. On a good night, you can totally watch your roommate bang his girlfriend. Too bad she's so butch.
Miscellaneous: There's also tons of random shit that you brought. Little things that you got just for that one time in your life this year you might need them. Well that time never comes. To get your money's worth, use these things as ammunition for throwing things at drunk people. These items include, but are not limited to, clothes hangers, highlighters, glue sticks and scissors.
by Ricky Van Veen at Wake Forest
by Jake Hurwitz at Hunter College
by Streeter Seidell at Fordham
the iPad is so stupid that the number of comedy possibilities is just... astounding.
Gmail, Firefox, YouPorn and more speak up to keep you from doing your work.
The Black Ranger is black... the Yellow Ranger is Asian... uh oh.
Look out for d-bags and children on leashes.
Why stop yourself from having sex with your mom, when you can make it a threesome?
Make sure you know what you're really eating this Valentine's Day. $('#chocolate').translate({ 'tag_name': 'span' }); !split Illu
It's probably just the microphone. I'm sure this transvestite usually sounds lovely.
It s the Tuesday before Valentine s Day, which means you only have six days to convince your girlfriend that you�ve been thinking about this occasion since the day you met. Luckily, I m here with a day-by-day breakdown of what you should be doing.
Recording...
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