That Attractive Hippy Chick You Could Totally Nail

by Christian Honce on October 27, 2006

I remember when I first saw you, as you walked red-eyed through the vegetarian line in Food Services. Your "free-minded," tie-dyed, hand knitted, never washed hoody made you look like a sexy fruit salad on an LSD trip. You don't wash your hair because you don't want to lose your dreadlocks? Oh that's really neat. I find you refreshing and interesting. What's that, you don't believe in deodorant? Why of course I knew it was just the corporate machine trying to get you to buy their products! By the way, did I tell you I'm totally into Phish? I don't know why anyone would think they suck. You're taking Anatomy? That's so weird, because I totally have that class and I've never seen you there. You don't go? Oh, neither do I. I get so "angry" when I hear the "man" try to tell me what I'm made of... and stuff. That is a very valid point. How could they know unless they were you? What's that? No, I find your odor spellbinding, like compost. You don't smell at all like rotten lady bits. I suppose cleanliness was invented by humans, and animals do seem to do well without it. What's that about cats? Humans taught them to clean themselves? You are so correct, it's humbling. Me? No! I hate not smelling, really takes me out of "harmony" with "Mother Earth." You are so correct! Everyone on campus is such a conformist but you. To be honest, I'm not sure I've met anyone as "unique" as you. If only people realized the only way to be an individual is to wear tie-died hemp clothing and listen to the same music as you. I hate music that has a beat. You smoke pot? Really? Really? You can't be serious? Yeah, I smoke from time to time. You smoke how much a day? Wow, that's so weird! I totally do too! I'm blazed right now. You know, I have heard that my aura was strong before. Yours is too. Hey I have a Ouija board back in my room... That's so weird! The board is telling us to get naked and have sex. It is what nature intended. I think we can't truly be people unless we open our bodies up to the world. Of course I don't mind that you don't shave! I wouldn't want man to destroy what nature intends. Could you help me find it though... awesome, sweet. This is great. It's like it's a nest and my balls are some condor eggs. Wow! That sure got you going! No! That grease stain on my pillow from your hair is totally cool! I don't mind. And the stray body hair that fell off you will keep me warm at night! 3:00! Shit, could you get out of my bed? I've got to scrub my self down with rubbing alcohol in the shower and burn my sheets before class.

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