The "Punch You In The Face" Line

by Lukas Kaiser on October 30, 2006
I'm a pacifist when it comes to petty fighting. Partly that's because I'm a nice guy. Partly that's because I'm a pussy. But regardless, I try to stay out of fights. Even when I get into skirmishes at drunken dorm parties, I try to keep my cool. But sometimes dudes clearly want a fight and they just say something, that one little thing that is over the edge and there's no more choice, you HAVE to punch them dead in the face. That's the "Punch In The Face" Line:

"˘"I understand you don't want to fight me, and that makes me want to fight you even more."
"˘"I'm not gonna say I banged your mom, cuz it just didn't happen. I fisted her."
"˘"Every time you smile it makes me want to kill a kitten."
"˘"You like sushi? Of course you would."
"˘"I'm so beyond enjoying parties anymore."
"˘"Oh is that the new $400 Sprint phone? I'm gonna smash it when you're not looking."
"˘"You know that fat guy from the show Lost? You smell like him."
"˘He sees you're enjoying the song that's playing. "Like this? It's mine. I wrote it. And I actually wrote it as a joke...it's a pretty bad song and anyone who likes it is gay."
"˘"What's your favorite sports team?" You answer. He calls his dad. "Hello, dad? Can you buy the [sports team name here] and trade all their good players for 40-year-old minor leaguers?"
"˘"I read your update on CollegeHumor. Just got one question...why did only three people hit 'like it?'"
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