So close yet so far. Texas, Auburn, Cal, and Lousville need to realize if you're only going to lose once, do it in September, idiots!

1. Ohio State: OSU is just one game away from an undefeated season. I forget who their next game is against, but it should be a cake walk.

2. Michigan: You think Michigan has too much pride to just pay Ohio State to go for a 0-0 tie to guarantee they BOTH play in the National Championship game? I mean, the plan is fool-proof!

3. USC: USC comes barrelling back into the top three. "Hey Guys! What did we miss?"

4. Florida: 6-foot-6 Jarvis Moss blocks two kicks to help the Gators beat Spurrier, which leads me to ask: Isn't it worth keeping one roster spot for a 6'11" basketball player with a 48 inch vertical who can easily block field goals? (see also: Sumo Wrestler playing goalie in Hockey)

5. Notre Dame: Their game against USC on the 25th will be a nice dessert to the big OSU-Michigan meal.

6. Rutgers - Call me crazy, but if Ohio State beats Michigan, Cal Beats USC, USC beats Notre Dame, and Florida's team plane gets shot down over the gulf of Mexico, I think we're going to see the Scarlet Knights in the National Championship!

7. Arkansas - Razorbacks may not play very well against unranked opponents but they sure can beat the shit outta good teams.

8. West Virginia - West Virginia should just play Hawaii in a bowl game and see if one of the team hits 100. Call it the Nokia FedEX Compaq Gaylord Hotels Shootout Music City Toilet Bowl.

9. Wisconsin - Wisconsin plays Bowling Green and Buffalo this year, but not Big 10 rival Ohio State. That makes sense.

10. Louisville - By beating West Virginia and losing to Rutgers, the Cardinals have truly done their job to keep any Big East school out of BCS contention. Good work!

11. LSU - I knew JaMarcus Russel was huge, but I recently found out HOW huge: 6'6" 260 pounds! Interesting fact: You could theoretically fit nineteen inflated footballs in his exhumed corpse!

12. Boise State - Broncos should change their mascot names to Boys who Cried Wolf. I mean, what if Boise State actually had the best team in the nation? Nobody would believe them...

13. Texas - Here's a question: Does Colt McCoy also play defense for Texas?

14. Auburn - If Auburn is 14th, and Georgia is unranked, then why are Bulldog fans happier than Tiger fans? My theory: Its more fun to support a crappy team who can play spoiler.

15. California: Cal's center's name is Alex Mack. How are you expected to go undefeated when your snapper is just a puddle of silver goo?

16. Wake Forest - How did this team almost lose to Duke?

17. Johns Hopkins - They were 25th last week, and after an impressive 48-7 win over McDaniel College, the BlueJays have BCS on the brain.

18. Georgia Tech - Georgia Tech ran all over North Carolina Saturday, beating them 7-0 in the first annual "We Demand a Refund" Bowl. Who knows, next game, there may be TWO scores.

19. Maryland - How does one celebrate after beating a team whos defensive lineman just died? I guess by raising your helmets in jubilation!

20. Boston College - Duke's Clifford Harris had these harsh words for Boston College players "You're never happy with a loss. We know we can beat teams like BC, Maryland and Florida State. It used to be like, `Boston College, Whoa!' But we know we can compete with them." This came after losing by three touchdowns.

21. Virginia Tech - VaTech's best player is it's kicker, which is always a good sign.

22. Tennessee - Volunteers proving you don't have to win games in November to stay in the top 25. You just have to have heart.

23. Nebraska - A late entry into the greatest name in college sports, Cornhusker WR: Maurice Purify.

24. Oregon - Instead of taking a three loss team like the Ducks, and putting them up here, the BCS should institute for spaces waiting for a team. There may not be a 24th best team in the nation this week, so lets not force it.

25. Brigham Young - All 913 team wives on hand to witness BYU's sixth straight conference win over Wyoming. We love them all the same!