Excerpts from OJ Simpson's New Book, "If I Did It"

by Christian Honce on November 15, 2006

O.J. Simpson has written a new book, "If I Did It," detailing how he, "hypothetically," would have murdered his wife and her lover. Simpson insists this is "pure fiction," and that he is still hunting down the "real killer." I was lucky enough to find some excerpts from the book and I've decided to let the world get its first taste. "If I had actually done it... I would have brought my good gloves that day. I would have thought it was shame they shrunk when I left them out on the patio, but I would have brought them just the same. They were my lucky gloves, and I would have needed them"¦ cause I was going to stab my slut of a wife... hypothetically." "If I was there, I would tell you that the knife scratched my finger, "˜Nobody spills the Juice!' I would have yelled. Then I stabbed them some more... I mean I would have." "I wasn't sure if they were bleeding or just pretending they were so I stabbed them a couple more times... is what I would have done were I a murderer." "I would have said, "Shit, now I got to go and get my car a carwash! Getting blood all over my door handle!" Then I would have gone back and stabbed them a few more times for making a mess. I'm pretty sure they would have learned their lesson, lol." "It would be just my luck, if I went through all the trouble of bringing my cashmere gloves and lost them! That would have made me think of how forgetful I was, so then I would have gone back and stabbed them, just to make sure they was dead." "And then I lay down, threw my bloodstained socks at the foot of my bed, and slept as cozy as a baby that had just stabbed two people to death... if I had done it." "Oh yeah, I did it. Can't do shit about it now. Suck it victim's families! God bless America!"

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