I Party with Doug Funnie

by Eric Kester on December 05, 2006

I bet you didn’t know that Harvard is the school of choice for many stars from Nickelodeon. I know a bunch of them personally, and I thought I’d let you all know how they’re adjusting to college:

Doug Funnie _Doug_):[upload:595742: At least Doug has gotten over his borderline-illegal obsession with Patty Mayonnaise. I’ve finally convinced him that, along with having perhaps the least hot name in history, Patty is struggling in several other departments. For instance, somehow Patty’s voice still sounds like a 13 year old boy who is combating puberty on a daily basis. She also still has that brutal short haircut that highlights how awkwardly lanky she is. I have to tell you, though, Doug took it real hard when he found out that Patty started dating Bebe Bluff.

 Alex Mack

: I don’t know this kid very well but I see him at parties all the time. He gets wasted and asks girls if they want go back to his room and help him assemble his Shrine of the Silver Monkey. If things get out of hand and he gets pissed off, he runs around cursing Olmec in a string of racial slurs. He wishes that the intellectual skills that got him to the top of the Steps of Knowledge were applicable in college, but unfortunately he’s failing out.


Contestant from _Global Guts_
: You knew these little superstars had to be out there somewhere, and one of them happens to live across the hall from me. This guy is confused why no colleges recruited him for his athletic prowess. I don’t know why either, according to his “Spill Your Guts” profile, he had accomplished such lofty athletic feats such as “playing little league baseball” and “enjoying soccer”. Maybe it's because he peaked at the age of 12 like the rest of the kids on the show. The other day I was fortunate enough to see his _Global Guts_ performance on Nickelodeon GAS (greatest channel in history for unintentional comedy" target="_blank">_The Secret World of Alex Mack_):[upload:595775, and he actually was pretty damn good at shooting those Nerf arrows into a giant Velcro target while bouncing from bungee cables, but unfortunately the NCAA still hasn’t gotten with the 21st century and made this event an official sport yet. I figured that most people who were actually on Global Guts when they were kids are way too embarrassed to ever admit that they were on it, but this guy is actually proud of it. I have to admit, it is pretty impressive that he climbed not the Aggro Crag, not the Mega Crag, but the SUPER AGGRO CRAG. Despite carelessly missing an actuator during his ascent of the Crag, he took home the Gold and now proudly displays in his room a glowing piece of that awesome rock.

I know there are plenty other Nickelodeon heroes out there, so if any of you have updates on them let’s hear them. I’m particularly interested in what happened to Budnick, anyone from Hey Dude, and Ferguson from Clarissa Explains it All.

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