College is about a lot more than you see in the average column on this site. Is college about beer, weed and sex? Absolutely! Is college about embarrassing the fuck out of yourself and everyone within ten feet of you at least three times a year?ABSOLUTELY. But other questions remain, to whit: what ELSE is college about?

College is about more than we give it credit for. We (correctly) think of college as both higher education and a haven of debauched practices. What this leaves out, unfortunately, is the middle ground that defines the average student’s daily experience. Social life in higher education is tricky. Paths to acceptance, popularity, sexual conquest and notoriety are everywhere. Some students will chase the pinnacles of these dreams, confident that emulation of greatness will result in greatness for them. They may be right. This is not a column those people should read.

So what does this mean for us, the few, the many, the proud, the craven, the average? What are we to do? With no compass to guide us, caught between the wild extremes of college life with nary a place to call home, how are we to survive? Should we sacrifice our laid-back natures and dive headfirst into the trends that surround us?

As a self-proclaimed average college student, I have some thoughts on the matter. Really random, largely unrelated thoughts. Sue me, I’m high. In no particular order:

Seeing something on YouTube doesn’t qualify it as a “good idea.”

I can’t understand why this is difficult for people to grasp. Do I spend a disproportionate amount of my time watching idiots be themselves for my amusement on YouTube? Of course! Do I feel the need to pay homage to these kings of physical humor, recreating acts of idiocy in my home? No!

Let idiots entertain you! They’ve had years and years of practice, and they’re good at it. Let them do what they do best. They don’t need our help – it takes 100% idiot ingenuity to entertain us the way we desire. Remember, we’re average. That means above the bottom 20 percent.

Classes are shitty; TAs are cool. Professors are a gray area.

TAs just want to be graduate students, they don’t want to be TAs. This is almost universally true. Most of these guys/gals don’t want to be there any more than you do, so give them a break. If you think your remedial “intro to algebra” class is dull, just think how it feels to the self-taught calculus genius who got roped into teaching it. He has to give you a grade at the end of the semester that reflects your climb back to square one. Instead of torturing your poor TA, make his life a little bit more eventful. For instance, never take a writing assignment seriously. Off the wall papers are easier and more fun to write and TAs grade them lighter. This is empirically proven. Apparently, being the only laugh in a four hour grading session gets you some slack. Who knew? So make your TA laugh, not cry. After all, there’s no reason why one person’s fun has to cause another person pain.

People in pain are fun to laugh at.

You probably think this rule conflicts with the last one. You’re wrong. The difference is, causing other people pain purely for the purpose of laughing at it is wrong, but laughing at the pain other people cause themselves is oh so right. I mean it. You really have to. It’s like a moral obligation.

I don’t mean that your buddy’s broken leg should automatically make the top 5 on this website, but I would be remiss in my faux-journalist duties if I didn’t say I would pick that story up in a second. Let’s not kid ourselves: we all know that self-inflicted stupidity is on-face hilarious. The gory, bloody, screaming-cuz-it-hurts-so-bad kind of video isn’t really what we’re looking for, but the just-got-clotheslined-while-drunkedly-running-through-the-yard kind is perfect. Bonus points if he’s too drunk to realize what he just did. That shit is priceless.

What should you take from this? A good feeling about all those “kicked in the nuts” clips you’ve been archiving for the last five years.

You don’t have to wear Abercrombie & Fitch to be cool, G.

Frat boys aside, this is just plain true. Seriously. Stop with the A&F. I own stock in their competition, and you’re fucking me over. For the children, please stop.

Taking all of your advice from columns like this is a bad idea.

As a senior, I could stand on a pedestal and dispense my wisdom to the underclassmen masses below. But that would be dishonest of me. I’m well over the legal drinking age and wrote this whole column on my laptop at a bar. During happy hour. $2 beers til the wet t-shirt contest starts. God bless . Just take it from me: everyone you meet is wrong. They all think they know the answers, but if you watch closely, they’re just as clueless as you. And that includes me. So I’m signing off. Later.