CH Video Games Weekly

by Jeff Rubin on January 31, 2007

My guest for this week's A Winner Is You! is Steve Menegozzi. Steve is most well known for writing the CH Original Super Sloppy Thanksgiving, directing the short film sk8boarding, and harassing 13-year-olds on Xbox Live.

TALKING POINT: Do you know anyone that has played Playstation 3?

Jeff: I do not. I don’t even know anybody that claims to have played one. Target has had one on display since Thanksgiving, but as far as I can tell it’s never actually worked. Even if it were working, do you know any games it would be running?

[upload:836396:small:right:Playstation 3, supposedly.]Steve: There must be a Madden for it, and I think something about aliens.

Jeff: Frankly, I’m growing suspicious that the Playstation 3 exists at all.

Steve: A Playstation 3 is like a rare Magic: The Gathering card. It’s only worth what nerds have agreed to pay for it.

Jeff: A year ago nobody had seen an Xbox 360 either, but now there’s some great games for it. Maybe Playstation 3 just needs another few months. Is there anything interesting coming out soon?

Steve: Interesting? Yes. Good? Hopefully. Franchise games like Metal Gear Solid 4, Grand Theft Auto 4, and Resident Evil 5 seem pretty can't-miss. The problem is that the PS3's underwhelming performance thus far is starting to scare publishers, and many of its once exclusive titles may now come to the 360. If a Little Billy wants to play a hooker-killing-simulator, where do you think he’s going to go - to a $400 system or a $600 one?

TALKING POINT: Best 2-player N.E.S. game?

Steve: Hands down it’s Guerrilla War. The single player was nearly impossible, but as long as there were two people playing, you get infinite continues. Your friend could have never played another game, but as long as he was capable of hitting start you could get to the end. I guess I should say “he or she”, just to cover all the little girls who grew up playing Guerrilla War.

[upload:832257:small:left:Che Guvera, couldn't you tell?]Jeff: If you had made this pick 50 years ago you would have been blacklisted. Guerilla War is based on Che Guvera and Fidel Castro’s Marxist revolution, though the American version was generic-ized. I’m going to go with an only slightly less patriotic pick – Nintendo’s Ice Hockey. The N.E.S. baseball games that don’t involve robots are boring by today’s standards, and the system wasn’t sophisticated enough for decent basketball or football. The original Ice Hockey, however, remains playable today as a pure competition of skill. Viva-la-all-fat-guys!

[upload:836345:small:right:Ice Hockey is also the first game to simulate realistic zamboni physics.]Steve: How many times has the hockey experience been replicated on video game systems? “WOW! The puck is so much more detailed in this version!” Ice Hockey is a trivial sports experience while Guerrilla War gives you the opportunity to overthrow the oppressive government of a non-descript government that’s vaguely Hispanic.

Jeff: In Ice Hockey you can play as the USA against the USSR, then pretend your 14-3 victory has ended communism. Nothing like beating on some Russkies in a Heathcliff style-fight. It's also the first hockey game to resemble the actual sport, the fact that it's only 4-on-4 notwithstanding.

Steve: Why end communism when you and a friend can help establish it? Guerrilla War is among the best co-operative games of the generation. It unlocked the potential for a completely new 2-player dynamic. Rather than kicking your friend’s ass for gloating over his sports victory, you could now kick his ass for stealing the extra grenades.

Jeff: It comes down to this - would you rather play a head-to-head or co-op? Also, do you side with terrorists? If you answered these questions "co-op" or "terrorists" then by all means, enjoy Guerrilla War.

TALKING POINT: Gears of War or Halo?

Jeff: Gears of War is the best looking game on the market right now, period. In high definition, I can only describe it with words usually reserved for women. Still, the multiplayer lacks the flexibility that’s made Halo an enduring classic. If I'm stuck on a desert island with an Xbox Live connection (that I apparently can't use to send for help), I'm bringing Halo.

[upload:836133:small:left:Wakka wakka wakka!]Steve: It’s hard to knock any game that gives you a chainsaw bayonet. Also, getting Terry Tate Office Linebacker to voice one of your squad mates may qualify as the greatest casting decision I’ve ever seen in a video game.

Jeff: The characters of Gears of War look like they came from the margins of a 12-year-old’s notebook. "There’s a guy and he’s HUGE and he’s got a chainsaw gun and he saws aliens in half and there's just like so much blood. And he curses whenever he wants to!"

Steve: As if Halo’s any better. “He’s this guy but he looks like a robot and…and…WOW! Your guy has a chainsaw?!” At least the aliens in Gears look like they’d tear your head off. The ones in Halo look like a cross between a Muppet and a monkey. I’d be more scared of them hugging me than killing me.

Jeff: It's strange how so many video games seem to be aimed at 12-year-old boys, and yet we're still playing them. I wonder what that means. In conclusion, both Gears of War and Halo are totally sweet.

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