Gin is a vicious toxin. The real dry stuff only a notch below rubbing alcohol. Anybody's who's drank enough of it knows this, and avoids it with extreme prejudice. Being the shit head that I am however I went out with my partner in crime LaLa and bought a bottle, and resolved to dust the fucker by the end of the night.

The cause for celebration was the last day of classes at Granada's Centro de Lenguas Modernas, which was an absolute joke of a school for rich American and Japanese brats with way to much time and too few calluses on their hands. The teachers were incompetent and lazy, the administration apathetic, and the students drunk. That is when they decided to show up. Nonetheless a school-wide get-together had been organized at some local club on our behalf.

We got started early at my apartment with the bottle of Beefeater, blending it half-and-half with some orange juice. Now LaLa is no novice drinker, but I also out weigh her by about fifty pounds. Although I had told her we'd take it easy I had lied and made the executive decision to pour as much liquor as humanly possible down her small, Irish throat.

After pissing off my balcony to the street below we set out to meet some friends up by the club hosting my school. Considering I'm a total asshole, no one showed up. On top of that we couldn't get in the club as students were only admitted free of cover between seven and nine, which convinced me the place was probably a shit hole anyway.

We leaned against a car outside the club and started pounding the gin with abandon. LaLa not for a second skipped a beat, taking that devil juice Beefeater straight to the dome.

Bitch. Trying to show me up, eh? It was not the first time I would vent my competitive drives on a girl half my size, and certainly would not be the last.

In no time the bottle was finished and we started following this group of people whom we had overheard vaguely mentioning they were going to some bar down town, and we had assumed we were invited. The confusing, winding alleys and cobblestone streets of Granada however were too much for our gin addled brains, and we quickly found ourselves alone. Luckily at the mouth of a street loaded with bars. It was here that we ran into our good friends Jason and Susanne, who had probably been avoiding us all night.

Jason is a kind fellow. Around six four, this gentle Jew was always the first to pick up a tab, or laugh at a joke. A fact which I exploited ruthlessly. He had just started dating our friend Susanne, who although very sweet and nice, had her head floating somewhere in the upper stratosphere.  Apparently they were on a date, one of their first. LaLa and I did the polite thing and intruded completely on their privacy and insisted they come to this bar with us just a little down the road, where we were so sure the drinks would be free for us.

Walking into the place this girl started eye fucking the shit out of me, and approached me shamelessly right in front of LaLa:

"Hey…(touching up on me), I've seen you around before, what's your name?"

I just kept walking and heard her talking about me to her friend, saying things LaLa still won't tell me to this day. Pissed, LaLa flips her off for a while and we get some drinks.

Of course we discovered the drinks weren't free at all. Why we had thought so I'm not sure.

The dumb bitch who had tried to talk to me however wasn't done fucking with us, and tried to start shit with LaLa, kicking her in her very, very, plump, perfect, absolutely unbelievable ass. (No exaggeration involved here whatsoever.  It's that nice.)

LaLa turned around and got in her face cussing her out. An all out catfight was about to break out. I probably would have let it go down had it not been two against one, and regardless of how much I wanted to jump in and  put some serious woman beating down on the two hags hassling us I felt that would have been a little extreme. At least for a public place.

The bar tender recognized the situation was getting a little out of hand and passed out some shots to try and defuse the tension. In no time, being the fickle spoiled brats women are, the two girls trying to ruin our night were telling LaLa how nice she was, how this, how that, etc, etc.

I kept ordering beer,  and not content with the service for whatever reason, found a novel way of disposing of my glasses. I lined them side by side on the window sill and would just punch them one by one, shattering each and leaving glass all over the floor.

Gathering up our terrified "friends" we stumbled out of the place, of course also "forgetting" to pay our bill.  I guess the drinks were free.  LaLa slurred that she had to pee, and I escorted her to an adjacent alley where she pops a squat in front of a passing Spanish lady coming home from work:

"Ho…Ho-La, I'm, pree-EE-ing. Co-Mo say Di-Say, U-rri-Nan-Do!"

"…Que bonito."

By now the effects of what we had consumed were hitting LaLa and I full force, bringing out the absolute worst in the both of us, turning me into a destructive asshole and bringing out LaLa's inner exhibitionist. 

Finished peeing, LaLa stood up.  Since she already had her pants down, why not moon every one passing by? Not content with that, she lifts up her shirt and flashes a stand of Kebab vendors who only added to her enthusiasm with cheers and whistles. Where was I?

"…Wow Jason…will you just look at that ass? I seriously cannot believe it's even real, it can't be. It just can't."

(LaLa is with her pants around her ankles flopping around face down on the ground, struggling to get up.)

"Uh…are you sure she's okay?"

Jason and Susanne get LaLa off the road and once on the main street I enter destructive asshole mode.

A nice black BMW is in front of me. I rip off the wipers, smash off the side view mirrors, and drop a bow on the windshield. Then I start using gated store fronts and car doors as punching bags. My knuckles were hamburger:

"Jason…Don't you like…Destroying things?"

Soon I too was following LaLa's example and falling all over myself. Jason and Suzanne drag us both back to my apartment.

As it's way to late for Jason and Suzanne to salvage anything of their now ruined date, they decide to spend the night in my living room. Big mistake. No sooner had they got comfortable together on my couch than LaLa and I, partially recovered, smash through the door.

LaLa begins cooing suggestively to the two, stripping piece by piece in front of the mortified couple, until completely naked. I'm just in my boxers, and LaLa, not comfortable with being the only person entirely nude in the room, decides to pull mine down.

I had a halfie from checking LaLa out, so they got the full effect.

That's when I had a brilliant idea:

"Let's have a foursome!"

Now picture two entirely naked people, in front of a very new, sober couple who had only just a few hours ago been out on a quiet, romantic date, have not said a word as all of this took place, and had not even seen each other naked yet alone contemplated a foursome with two of their classmates, clutching each other, absolutely shocked.

The silence that followed what I had said was so charged with tension sexual and otherwise that only God knows what were the possibilities. And however much I'd love to tell you that a crazy orgy followed that wasn't the case. They told us as politely as they could that they were just a little spent, and that we should probably go to bed. Now.

LaLa and I collapsed onto my bed and started hooking up. Too bad I was way to trashed to perform. Which is exactly what I told her. Who the fuck says "perform" when in bed anyway?  She fell to the bed from on top of me and we both went into a deep, deep, alcohol induced sleep.

When I woke up, Jason and Suzanne were gone.

(update)  I received a few requests for a picture of this "lala's" ass.  Well, here it is, most have probably seen it before posted  around my site.