Historical Figures in College

by SC on February 25, 2007





Historical Figures in College:   King Henry VIII Gets Tested for STDs

Henry VIII at College Infirmary




Henry VIII:        I am Henry the VIII, I am, and I need to call upon the Doctor.


Receptionist:    All right, just go sit down in the waiting room and the doctor will see you in a moment.

Henry VIII:        I be Henry XVIII. I do not wait for a Doctor, nor do I take instructions from a common peasant.


Receptionist:    I’m going to pretend you didn’t call me a peasant. But if you don’t sit your white ass down in that seat, right now, I’ll make sure there will be no Henry IX.

Henry VIII:        All right, miss.



Doctor:        I’m ready to see you know King Henry XIV.


Henry enters doctor’s office.




Doctor:     So, Henry, you came in yesterday because you complained of some burning during urination?


Henry VIII:    Yes my lady.A fire breathed forth from my genitals when I endeavored to clear my body of my excrements.

Doctor:    Well, the results of your tests are back…I’m not sure how to say this, so I’m just going to come right out with it.You have an STD.


Henry VII:    What be this witchcraft, you speak of? STD?

Doctor:            I assure this is not any type of witch craft; in fact this is quite serious.I was hoping to brace your shock with this matter, but I should just come out and say it: You don’t have just one STD.


Henry VIII:    How many ravage my bodily existence?

Doctor:        Quite a lot, it is in fact quite an exhaustive list… Chlamydia, Syphilis, Hepatitis B and C, Herpes, Crabs, Genital Warts, and Hepatitis.


Henry VIII:    Methinks I am in a quandary.

Doctor:           That is not all.You are also infected with a rare strain of Gonorrhea found almost entirely in pigs.


Henry VIII:    Umm… Methinks there was some muddle with that diagnosis judgment…but let us commence with the leeching.

Doctor:            I don’t think you understand the gravity of the situation.


Henry VIII:        My father surmounted a fit with the gout. Methinks I can overcome  a few, paltry …

Doctor:            You’re going to die.

 Henry VIII:        Oh, Lord, the father.


Doctor:            I’m sorry.


Henry VIII:        I wish had I told that pig I loved her.













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