Jeff Presents...

by Jeff Rosenberg on March 01, 2007

This week: Pumping Up!

We are at the local gym where our fraternity brothers are doing what they do best, working out. Brother Chad is lying on the bench press while Brother Chaz stands above to spot. Brother Chad sports a black beater... for he is Italian.

Chad: How jacked do you think I can get? (examines biceps)

Chaz: (rolling eyes) I don't know...maybe 10 or 20 more pounds of muscle mass. I really don't know.

Chad: Trick question titty face. I can get as jacked as I want. As long as I focus my mind on a certain body part it'll get jacked.

Chaz: Right, I knew that.

Chad: Throw on two more twenty-fivers and the pussy plate.

Chaz: Pussy plate?

Chad: The 2.5 pounder.

Chaz: Don't you think you're getting a little...too big?

Chad: No such thing as too big.

Chaz: I can hardly see your neck anymore.

Chad: My neck is weak! I'd rather have traps than neck.

Chaz: It's like you're fortifying your neck with shoulders, so it can't be attacked.

Chad: I wish my neck was a bicep. That way I could do more bicep curls.

Chaz: You love bicep curls.

Chad: Shit yeah I love 'em.

Chad looks in the mirror in front of him, he nods his head thinking to himself “You know what’d go great with this black beater... a trucker hat"

Chad: Alright, finish this set up, Chad.

Chaz gives a look of confusion

Chaz: Wait... I think that was my line .

Chad: Oh, right... our names both start with "Cha"… it's confusing sometimes

Chaz: Anywaaays, finish this set up .

Chad lies down on the bench and goes to turn his iPod on. It does not turn on. The battery seems to be dead. Chad reacts casually…

Chad: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKK!!!

Chaz: What's wrong???

Chad: My iPod ran out of battery. Weak piece of shit!!! (throws iPod on the floor…destroying it)

Chaz: Jesus Christ, calm down.

Chad: Shut your filthy mouth Mudblood.

Chad runs to his bag, opens it and removes a 20 g PROtein bar, covers it in a gelled creatine…then washes it down with 15 grams of Instantized Strawberry Whey Protein mix. Think of Popeye.

Chad: Spot me NOW! And sing the goddamn background vocals!

Chad begins bench pressing, then starts singing in scream:

Chad: Welcome to the limit!

Chaz: (softy and embarrassed) The limit.

Chad: Take it maybe one step more
   The power game's still playing so
   you better WIN it
             PUSH IT TO THE LIMIT!

(Chad rips black beater off and starts running around gym as he finishes the song)

Chaz: (deep sigh) You give fraternities a bad name.