News Flash: Cheney's Thrombosis Goes Public

by Mary Kolesnikova on March 05, 2007

Dick Cheney’s Left Leg, Washington D.C., USA – Breaking news today as Vice President Dick Cheney’s Deep Venous Thrombosis Engineering Group (DVTEG) goes public with their latest project.

Previously they have launched four heart attacks, ranging from life-threatening to unpleasant, and were solely responsible for the Cheney Aneurism of ’05. With so much success under their belt, the industry was surprised today to hear of their latest endeavor.

“Well, I know a lot of people are saying ‘Four heart attacks? That’s some serious stuff!’ but I’m just not satisfied,” said Cee Lott, the VP of development. “You know me,” she adds, “I’m a perfectionist.”

Industry insiders have been wondering about a new deep venous thrombosis for weeks, taking Cheney’s shortness of breath and general ugliness of the face to be sure signs.

“He’s fine,” the White House Press Secretary kept saying, but since today’s news broke, it is clear that he is not.

“Yeah, we really enjoy that element of surprise around here,” Lott chuckles, sitting back in her chair after a long day of work.

As for future plans, Lott and DVTEG aren’t thinking too far ahead. “This is good for now,” she reports, “besides, I think this one’s gonna be pretty explosive.”