Carlos Mencia Steals Jokes From This Week's PARADE Magazine

by Adam Hrabik on March 21, 2007

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Carlos Mencia!

(Carlos walks onto the stage to unexplainable applause)

Carlos: So, I was interviewing for a job, and I asked if I would get dental, and the H.R. guy says, "Our dental plan is that you get a quarter for every tooth left under your pillow." And I said, "DEE-DEE-DEE!"

(Laughter and applause; lone PARADE reader in audience feels he has heard this before)

Carlos: If Mark Twain lived in Beverly Hills instead of by the Mississippi River, Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer would be more than just friends!

(Somewhere, Joe Rogan loses control of his bowels)

Carlos: Two cats are talking to each other, and one says to the other, "We never purr at the same thing anymore."

(A few uncomfortable laughs; PARADE reader twitches in his seat)

Carlos: WETBACKS!

(Audience laughs and cheers; PARADE reader stands and raises his hand in question)

PARADE reader: Umm...those jokes are all from PARADE magazine.

Carlos: Umm...have you lost your virginity yet? DEE-DEE-DEE!

(Audience laughs at PARADE reader's expense)

Carlos: Howard's owners put him outside, and the husband says to the wife, "Sure, it's cold outside. But with all his fur, Howard will be fine." Meanwhile, Howard is climbing through the window back into the house!

(Silence)

Carlos: Howard is...a giant dog.

PARADE reader: Howard Huge! You stole that from the cartoon Howard Huge!

(Carlos quickly points to audience member of Latin American descent)

Carlos: Look! A beaner!

(Audience howls with laughter; PARADE reader leaves theater and returns home to hang himself)

Carlos: I hope you don't get any roofing tar on these good seats, beaner!

(Inexplicable standing ovation)

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