With all the Man-Pride we are seeing in commercials today (Old Spice, Man-Laws), it is difficult to understand what truly makes a man. Because of Man-Laws we now understand how a man is to act. But how are we to gauge what makes a man? Today, we explore what being a man is all about, and why the rules are the way they are.

Rule 1: Born with Testicles.

Testicles are a requirement for every man. However, losing your testicles through causes not your own, such as war or a shaming gone horribly wrong, will not revoke your Manhood.

Rule 2: No Pink Shirts.

 With the exception of October, which is breast cancer awareness month, any male caught wearing a pink shirt automatically loses all access to testicular privileges and will be deemed a female for an indefinite period of time. Said shirt will be collected as evidence and burned. Any female wearing a pink shirt in the presence of Men will be asked to remove it.

Rule 3: No Popped Collars.

Unless it is for medical purposes pertaining to the neck, all collars are to remain down at all times. This rule is imposed to keep the level of douchebaggery of Men to a minimum.

Rule 4: Understanding of Basic Combat.

If you have no basic knowledge of what to do in a fight, how will you cope when your mental prowess will not get you out of a bad situation? All Men should have fight experience, however if you are able to win without fighting, you will not lose any respect amongst Men.

Rule 5: Sexual Experience.

Firstly, no… that hand job that Lindsey McGeiger gave you beneath the bleachers at a junior high basketball game doesn’t count and neither does the time you finger blasted Maria Santiago in the girls bathroom. Some form of sexual penetration must occur which involves your penis. Until you have done so, you will be retain the title of “Boy”.