Dear Sirs (Madams leave the room and bake something or watch Grey’s Anatomy)
We have entered the future, a future where it is no longer possible to pull ass without the use of text messaging. Bite your tongue you say.
Alright, but you know even as you are reading this, you’re sending one to that cute girl you met in class about how you're reading some asshole's article on Collegehumor.
You might say nay, sir. I could pull ass without it. After all, texting wasn’t always around. True, but things have changed and now girls suck more of their livelihood out of texting than a heroin addict does out of a morphine drip. I should know because I have had my texting taken away and I have had to have an uncomfortable conversation with my dad to get it back (“Dad, you’re kinda cockblocking me.”).
Am I saying that texting is wrong, that as men we should wean girls off of it? Horseshit. We need it as much as they do. Sure I could walk one room over to see if a girl’s in it, but I’d much rather just text her and find out that way (I blame my laziness on the fact that I'm 10% French). So in conclusion, don’t hate text messaging, cherish it and hope it doesn’t get taken away because let me reiterate, trying to explain to your dad how he’s cockblocking you is just as awkward as it sounds.
Recording...
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