The Thought Process Behind Ingesting an Entire Bottle of Ibuprofen

by Steve Horvath on April 09, 2007

1 - Oh man, I have such a headache. Should not have had those shots of Jager last night. Just a few of these should do it. Why is there all this f*cking cotton here?! Get out of here! Isn't there some horribly racist joke about this stuff? No time for that now, gotta get rid of this hangover.

2 - Ahh, ok, here we go, feelin' good now. What's the recommended dosage again? Two tablets every four to six hours? F*ck that, I got some real pain here. "If you consume 3 or more alcoholic drinks every day blah blah blah...stomach bleeding..." that would suck pretty bad. Oh well, better not take too many of these.

3 - F*ck this stuff, it's not doing anything. Better take some more. Maybe if I wash it down with some Natty it'll help, I heard somewhere that it makes the blood vessels more responsive or some sh*t like that. This doesn't taste half bad, it's got like some candy coating on it or something. Ok, here we go, down the hatch!

4 - Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa maaaaaaaaan, I am...thinking...like...that I'm feeling...me. It's like I'm here, but...not. It's like, I'm WATCHING myself, like, here, but...wow, my headache, like if it was a sentence...there's a period at the end of it now. Or like an exclamation mark. Mark...Mark...I'll call my buddy Mark, see if he wants to hit up some of this stuff...f*ck, I think I feel my stomach leaking or something. Ughhh, better pop some of these bad boys in there to quench the fire. Fire...fire...what if I like, smoked this stuff...that'd be...good...sh*t...yea...

5 - Barely audible sounds of body convulsing and mouth foaming.

This is modeled off of the very talented Sarah Schneider's Dorito article

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