Dear Collegehumor users:
I would like to lodge a complaint about the efficiencies of the life guarding staff here at the collegehumor. com swimming pool. Last weekend my little brother drowned because the lifeguard on duty was asleep in his chair. When my little brother screamed for help the lifeguard told him to shut up and rolled over. The week prior to this event, the same life guard decided that it was more important to protect himself from harmful UV rays instead of saving my older sister. The guy sat up there rubbing oil all over his skin why my sister died. If these were the only two occurrences of how poorly the lifeguard here at collegehumor were doing I would just assume that God hated my siblings, but yesterday my dog was sucked into the pool vent. When I ran over to the female lifeguard to ask for her assistance she just gave me her phone number and told me to call her later. We are going bowling tomorrow night, but that does not make up for the lack of action here at the pool. I would at least like to see the guards make an effort in the future to prevent someone from drowning. I, like the rest of you, just want to make sure that the collegehumor pool is a safe place for everyone.
Sincerely,
Derek Money
P.S.: The staff also forgot to save my uncle, but that guy was a prick so I really don’t care about him.
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