What I've Learned from Playing Guitar Hero 2

by Paul Scheer on April 13, 2007

First of all, if you don't have Guitar Hero 2 For the Xbox or Playstation, You are a jerk! But you can change that, all you have to do is stop whatever you are doing right now, run out to the street, mug an old lady, go to your local Electronics Boutique and buy one.

I guarantee you it will change your life!

[upload:1197205:large:center:Case in point - This dude's mind is blown]

I'll admit for awhile I was that dude who mocked the guys/girls who sat in the video game demo area at Best Buy for hours on end playing Guitar Hero. In my mind it was as ridiculous as that Donkey Kong game where you beat drums to make him run around. But then I picked up my plastic ax and now I am hooked!

However, there are a few things you need to know, that the instruction book won't tell you

1) No matter how cool you think you look while playing, You Definitely Don't Look Cool.
2) "Heart Shaped Box" is deceptively hard to play...No wonder why Kurt Cobain Killed Himself (..Too Soon?)
3) It's hard to impress house guests when you have a self decorated plastic children's toy lying on your couch...and you don't have kids or a young sibling.
3.2) While we are on the topic of decorating the guitar, if you are over 20...Don't.
4) No matter what you do don't call it a "Guitar Version of SIMON"...It's Very Different... and Cooler....You are a real Idiot.
5) Don't excessively celebrate or bow at the end of the song, even if you get 100% accuracy. I know you are happy but I guarantee you, that will be the precise moment your hot next store neighbor looks across the way at you and sees you standing in your PJ's, playing with a children's toy, and blowing kisses at your TV. Awkward.

Besides those rules have fun being a pretend rockstar and remember if you practice hard enough, you still won't have any idea how to play a real guitar... and I'm fine with that.