The Summer Internship Interview

by Rusty Shacklefurt on April 13, 2007

Did I have any trouble getting here? Why no, none at all. I just had to sell three weeks worth of my meal plan to get the money for the forty-three dollar cab ride down here. No that's not ketchup on my suit, that's actually homeless person blood. See the cab wouldn't drop me off in front of your building so I had to walk through eight blocks of the finest urban development the city has to offer. No, I didn't harm the homeless man, I assure you he was already bleeding from the ears when he started to hump my leg and demand nickels. I agree, panhandlers these days are really dedicated to their craft.

What do I think of the interview process so far? Well I didn't quite understand why you locked me in a room for four hours and made me do a Give Yourself Goosebumps book. Thank you, I had no idea that I tied a record when I made it all the way through Werewolf Woods in three attempts. Yeah, I suppose R.L. Stine would be proud. Well, with a week before finals what better way could I be spending my time. I'd probably just be masturbating in my room right now.

Do I like the office atmosphere here? Well when I walked in and the secretary called me a 'little faggot,' I really felt like I belonged here. I guess having to dodge the fecal matter being tossed around the cubicles really keeps you on your feet at all times, too.

What? You're offering me the position. Well, that's terrific. Wait a second, what kind of intership did you say this is? Marketing? Oh shit. Yeeeeeah. Um...hah...how do you leave this room? There's no door. How the fuck did I get in here? No, no, don't touch me! Just let me get the fuck out of here!

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