Three Classy Assholes

by Amir Blumenfeld on April 20, 2007
Trev Johnston, Trony Jihnson, and Juan Troyson are at a party, in a corner, drinking beers, observing the action.

Trev: Wo, wo, wo, 4 o clock, dudes. Look, at that, ass.
Juan: I can't tell analog time.
Trony: I'm gonna marry the shit outta her.
Trev: That one, bro.
Juan: Oh, man. What I wouldn't give to get a coffee with THAT.
Trev: Yup... some decaf cappacino, and before you know it...
Juan and Trony: LIGHT CONVERSATION!
Trev: Yeah buddy. Cover me, ladies, I'm going in.

Trev goes to talk to her.

Juan: Man, I am tired.
Trony: Oh yeah?
Juan: Yup, Lena came over last night, we cuddled ALL. NIGHT. LONG.
Trony: Spoon that shit like a butternut squash bisque!

Juan and Trony shake hands. Trev comes back.

Trev: Excelsior.
Juan: Got the digits?
Trev: Better. Address.
Trony: Oh snapdragons.
Trev: Some roses... a bottle of chardonnay... a thoughtful card... and in a
couple of weeks...
Juan and Trony: Going Steady!

Trev smashes a beer can against his forehead and throws it into a recycling bin.

Trev: I am so kinda drunk right now.
Juan: Gimme your keys. We're taking a taxi home.

Trev tosses Juan the keys instantly.

Trev: No shit. Do I look retarded?
Trony: I had three daquiries during appetizers earlier.
Trev: Good call. Maybe we should walk. I don't wanna annoy the taxi
driver.
Juan: Fine by me. This party blows anyway.
Trony: Can we try to hustle, fellas? Gotta water my bonzai.

They all begin speed walking home.
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Amir Blumenfeld

Amir Blumenfeld

UC Berkeley

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