Two Dudes Who Really Don't Want To Fight


Dude #1:  Dude, were you just checkin' out my girl? 
Dude #2:  Dude what the f*ck are you talking about?  No, I wasn't checking out    your girl.
Dude #1:  Oh, ok no problem then.

(Dude #1 returns 45 seconds later, after arguing with his girlfriend.)

Dude #1:  Dude, she says you've been staring at her all f*cking night.  Are we gonna have to settle this outside?
Friend of Dude #2:  Are you gonna let this asswipe talk to you like that, bra?
Dude # 2:  (to friend) Shut up dick! (to dude) What the f*ck are you talking about?  I was absolutely not checking out your f*cking girl.  She's crazy!
Dude #1:  ... Fine, good.

(Dude  #1 comes back  30 seconds later, after getting reamed by his girlfriend)

Dude #1:  *sigh* Did you just call my girlfriend crazy dude?
Dude #2:  What? No.. yeah.. because I AM NOT interested in her. 
Dude #1:  Nobody talks to my girl like that dude.
Friend of Dude #2:  Beat his fuckin' ass dude!
Dude #2:  (to friend) SHUT UP DICK! (to dude) I was not talking to your girl like anything dude, I'm sure she's a fine lady, but I didn't even fucking look at her!
Dude #1:  Fucking right you didn't, cause if you did you wouldn't be sitting there right now.
Dude #2:  Whatever dude.
Dude #1:  (In the distance to his girlfriend as he walks away)  Are you happy now?
Friend of Dude #2:  Dude you're just gonna let him walk away like that?  You're such a pussy.

(Dude #1's girlfriend finally seems to calm down)

Dude #2:  Fuck you dude.  Whatever, so what were we talking about?
Friend of Dude #2:   The Yankees.
Dude #2:  Oh yea, so Derek Jeter can lick my *THWACK*
Dude #1:  DEREK JETER CAN WHAT DUDE?
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