Unforeseen Problems in the Garden of Eden

by Kiernan P Schmitt on April 27, 2007

Awkward First Dates

Adam: =silence=
Eve: =silence=
Adam: So... did you just get your hair done or something?
Eve: Don’t.
Adam: Check please!
Eve: Who do you keep yelling that to?

Temptation

Snake: Just eat the apple and you will know all.
Eve: I don’t believe you. I just ate a bunch of those
    Bananas you gave me and all I learned was the capital
    of the Wyoming.

Telling Adam He Was a Mistake

God: Adam, listen, sometimes when one deity loves
    another deity... well, no, actually that second one
    is still me... Let’s start over. When a Divine Being
    finds out he can breathe life into dirt...
Adam: Father, why am I missing a rib?

Wheelchair Accessibility

Adam: Preparing safe entrances for the handicap
    is no joke.

Racism

Antelope 1: Did you see those two people God created to
    live with us?
Antelope 2: Sure did. Bipeds- there goes the neighborhood.

Holidays

Eve: So what should we get God for Father’s Day?
Adam: I know- what do you get the guy who
    has everything? And made everything? And
    can do anything?
Eve: How about a coupon for a rock so heavy
    not even he could lift it?
Adam: We got him that for Mother’s Day!

Practical Jokes

Adam: (placing a whoopee cushion on a tree trunk)
    Hey Eve, would you come over here and sit down.
Eve: (coming over and sitting) =pppssshhh=
Adam: (chuckling) Whoa Eve! Gross. Remember
    those omelets I made you this morning? I
    snuck forbidden apple in yours- Gotcha!
Eve: Adam, you’re such a trickster.

Show and Tell

Eve: Today I brought in a clam shell to show the
     class.
Teacher: Put some clothes on young lady!

The Naming of the Animals

Adam: (holding a pelican) I think I’ll call this one Jim!
    He’ll really like his friends Mary and Lou!
Eve: (holding dead fish) Not as much as my little buddy
    Hoyt here! He sure is getting tired out of the lake!
(Jim eats Hoyt; God appears)
God: No, no- I wanted you to name the types of animals!
    Not to give all the animals names!
Adam: Oh don’t fret, God! I did that too. (pointing) Watch
    out for that herd of Jeremy!
Eve: (pointing) And the flock of Karen-Cynthia!