As a graduate student, one comes to apply deductive reasoning to many social and scientific issues that still remain unanswered. It is the duty of the academically gifted to offer clues to some of the most bizzare and inane questions that you probably never knew existed. I offer clues to one of those questions now:

Are you a May baby? Of course you are. So are half your friends on Facebook and MySpace. Unfortunately that special feeling you got when you were a tike is now overshadowed by the fact that, in the grand scheme of things, there are literally hundreds of people that have a May birthday, making yours just a little less sweet. But why is May crammed with glourious days of aging? Why is it that so many of your parents decided to get drunk one night and have dirty, nasty, college sex that resulted in you nine months later? Well, lets look at the facts:

According to Hallmark.com, it is a fact that August is, by far, the most popular month to have a wedding. Of course, this makes perfect sense: the weather is beautiful and warm, summer is at its peak, and is generally thought of as the "dog days" of the year, which leads to people inevitably getting bored and make rash decisions, like getting married.

Now, following this symbolic occasion of love and unity, there occurs another occasion of love and unity. This is called a honeymoon. Your mother and father decide to make an event out of having lots and lots of unproteced sex by going somwhere romantic and exotic. This also marks the last time your parents ever have this much sex, for reasons unknown to man (i.e. his wife). Now, most of the time, this sex isn't really unprotected, as your mother is most likely using some sort of birth control (unless she's hardcore Catholic). But this can even backfire: Maybe mother was too drunk to remember her pills, maybe the alcohol lessened the effects of the birth control in the first place. Speaking of which, why would you ever take a birth control that didn't work while wasted...seems kinda counter-intuitive. Anyways, mother and father are having a sexfest the entire week, which subsequently leads to you showing up 9 months later, which is coincidentally during the month of May.

Now, you also may be asking: Well, I'm not the first child and I was born in May, thus this logic is wrong. You would think that...jerk. Well, the fact is that your parents never really stop having sex all together. They do find the time to squeeze in some whoopie while your older brother(s) or sister(s) are having a sleep-over and Billy or Sarah's house. This usually happens during your parents' anniversary. Same rules apply as the honeymoon, however the love happens for only one night and really only includes a movie and a dinner with mother drinking a good deal of wine so father can have that "special sex" he patiently waits for every year. That's where the rest of the kids come from during May.

Of course, people are born every month of the year, so there is always the exception. These are mostly the planned births, thus making the majority of May births mommy and daddy's "unexpected surprises". There are also those May Babies whose parents were not married in August. For these few, I have to say congrats, as you are the product of good old-fashion baby makin'.

In conclusion, if you've ever noticed that there is an overwhelming amount of friends and family members that have birthdays during May, blame it on the Coitus-filled month of August, the much celebrated National Unplanned Pregnancy Month. Cheers!