Therapist: It’s nice to see everybody here. Who would like to begin?
Sonny the Cuckoo: Well, I would just like to say that I stopped hanging around with Toucan Sam, and I haven’t touched a Cocoa Puff since May 3rd. Therapist: Three weeks sober. Congratulations! (all applaud) How does that feel? Sonny the Cuckoo: There’s a ringing in my ears, and it feels like termites are eating me alive from the inside.
Trix Rabbit: Be strong, Sonny. I know what it’s like to be a slave to cravings.
Captain Crunch: Silly Rabbit… Trix Rabbit: What did you say? Therapist: All right, we’re all friends here – Trix Rabbit: No. Say it to my face! Therapist: This is a circle of trust! Now, Rabbit, have you sat the kids down and opened the lines of communication towards a mutually beneficial negotiation? Trix Rabbit: All they understand is Red No. 7, Yellow No. 5… Therapist: Then it sounds like you have to look out for No. 1.
Cookie Crisp Crook: I don’t see why you don’t just pinch it from the little bastards.
Parole Officer: Keep it up. I’m taking notes.
Lucky the Leprechaun: That’s the kind of attitude that encourages kids to steal from me. Therapist: How does that make you feel? Lucky the Leprechaun: Ashamed. Flabbergasted. It’s like they’re the smartest kids in the world. Captain Crunch: Either that, or you’re just the stupidest f***ing leprechaun. Therapist: Mr. Crunch, you’re out of line. Captain Crunch: CAPTAIN! Trix Rabbit: Yeah, like he’s ever really been in the military. Sonny the Cuckoo: I need a hit… Therapist: What?
Snap: Looks like
Crackle: Somebody’s off
Pop: The wagon! Therapist: Snap, Crackle and Pop, we’ve talked about ganging up on others. You need to find your individual voices.
Wendel the Chef (to Snap, Crackle and Pop): What the hell are you guys, anyway? Therapist: Wendel, you look awfully bitter. Wendel: It’s the taste you can see. Therapist: Does this stem from your relationship with the Frosted Mini Wheat? Wendel: I think he’s bi-polar. Trix Rabbit: It could be worse. You could work for Raisin Bran.
Raisin Bran Sun: I’ll scoop both of your eyes out. Therapist: And Tony, how are the anti-depressants working out?
Tony the Tiger: They’re Grrrrreat! Lucky (whispering to Trix Rabbit): He’s over-medicated. Sonny the Cuckoo (diving into a bowl of Cocoa Puffs): I’m cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!
Toucan Sam: Follow your nose!
Count Chocula: I vant my money back.
by Mindy Raf
by Dan Gurewitch at Syracuse
by CH Staff
"Skynet will prove and disprove the existence of our puny 'God' seven times before you finish reading this sentence..."
How can you run from evil if you can't even jump over a fence?
Our graduates are prepared to take on WoW.
A quick, easy way to find out whether or not you're an alcoholic is if you cried at this.
No matter how much you practice your moves, this guy will put you to shame every time.
Lin Manuel has done great things since appearing in Hardly Working: Rap Battle. I don't want to say were totally responsible, but... We're not? A little respons�No? OK, we've met him.
but your governor's son can't pick his nose.
Obi-Wan is a dumbass
Recording...
Facebook
Twitter
YouTube
MySpace
