Therapist: It’s nice to see everybody here. Who would like to begin?
Sonny the Cuckoo: Well, I would just like to say that I stopped hanging around with Toucan Sam, and I haven’t touched a Cocoa Puff since May 3rd. Therapist: Three weeks sober. Congratulations! (all applaud) How does that feel? Sonny the Cuckoo: There’s a ringing in my ears, and it feels like termites are eating me alive from the inside.
Trix Rabbit: Be strong, Sonny. I know what it’s like to be a slave to cravings.
Captain Crunch: Silly Rabbit… Trix Rabbit: What did you say? Therapist: All right, we’re all friends here – Trix Rabbit: No. Say it to my face! Therapist: This is a circle of trust! Now, Rabbit, have you sat the kids down and opened the lines of communication towards a mutually beneficial negotiation? Trix Rabbit: All they understand is Red No. 7, Yellow No. 5… Therapist: Then it sounds like you have to look out for No. 1.
Cookie Crisp Crook: I don’t see why you don’t just pinch it from the little bastards.
Parole Officer: Keep it up. I’m taking notes.
Lucky the Leprechaun: That’s the kind of attitude that encourages kids to steal from me. Therapist: How does that make you feel? Lucky the Leprechaun: Ashamed. Flabbergasted. It’s like they’re the smartest kids in the world. Captain Crunch: Either that, or you’re just the stupidest f***ing leprechaun. Therapist: Mr. Crunch, you’re out of line. Captain Crunch: CAPTAIN! Trix Rabbit: Yeah, like he’s ever really been in the military. Sonny the Cuckoo: I need a hit… Therapist: What?
Snap: Looks like
Crackle: Somebody’s off
Pop: The wagon! Therapist: Snap, Crackle and Pop, we’ve talked about ganging up on others. You need to find your individual voices.
Wendel the Chef (to Snap, Crackle and Pop): What the hell are you guys, anyway? Therapist: Wendel, you look awfully bitter. Wendel: It’s the taste you can see. Therapist: Does this stem from your relationship with the Frosted Mini Wheat? Wendel: I think he’s bi-polar. Trix Rabbit: It could be worse. You could work for Raisin Bran.
Raisin Bran Sun: I’ll scoop both of your eyes out. Therapist: And Tony, how are the anti-depressants working out?
Tony the Tiger: They’re Grrrrreat! Lucky (whispering to Trix Rabbit): He’s over-medicated. Sonny the Cuckoo (diving into a bowl of Cocoa Puffs): I’m cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!
Toucan Sam: Follow your nose!
Count Chocula: I vant my money back.
by Mindy Raf
by Dan Gurewitch at Syracuse
by CH Staff
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Recording...
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