Friends.  It's time to do something I'm not sure I want to do.  It repulses me to do it.  But I think I must. I HAVE TOO.  It's going to be ugly, but there's an ugly side to everything, including mindless celebrity gossip and using it to get into the pants of an unsuspecting somebody.

So get ready for the ugly.  Starting with this:

HOLY SH*TBALLS.  Mary Kate Olsen, weren't we just adding countdown calendars to our homepages waiting until the day you turned legally f*ckable?  And now...well, now we'd still f*ck you, but it'd be hard.  All those cigarettes and Starbucks have gone straight to your eyes - they're the fattest thing on you! [Source/photo: TMZ]

I didn't want to jump all over Lindsay, but this has been HER week.  Unless you live inside her firecrotch, you MUST know that LiLo got drunk, got in her car to chase after her lesbian lover, hit the curb, wrecked her car, freaked out, went to the hospital, got busted for a DUI and had coke in her car, went out again with her lesbian lover, got insanely fucked up, passed out in front of paparazzi, fell on her face, and checked into rehab. 

But nowher dad says she is addicted to the painkiller OxyContin!

And here she is two years ago giggling during a PSA about drunk driving!
Wait, she tried to kill herself?

Oh no, her boyfriend was caught doing blow with two hookers!

Can anyone save Lindsay?  Her mom, maybe?

Nope.  Lindsay should stay in rehab for a long, long time.  [Sources/Photo: IDLYITW, Egotastic, WWTDD, DListed]

Continuing on the ugly tip, check out where Paris is going to be living come June 5th.  I don't see a stripper pole - she's going to have to learn to do something sexy with that toilet bowl.  [Source: CelebSlam]

Even Miss USA can't keep it together!  She fell on her ass during the Miss Universe Pageant and got booed!  Yes, when the perfect fail once, they must be punished! [Source:HollywoodTuna]

Nicole Richie hosted a big BBQ for Memorial Day, and her email invitation caused a little bit of a stir due to it's jokes about binge drinking and keeping fatties (er, ladies over 100 pounds) out of her house. Thanks to her guidelines, Nicole was the only on there. [DListed]

It was at Nicole's party that Mischa Barton got a little TOO fucked up drinking alcohol while on antibiotics....or mixing cocaine with mushrooms.  Whatever rumor you believe, she ended up at the hospital.  Either way, she sounds kind of fun. [NinjaDude]

Didn't we all know in 1999 that N'Sync was the gayest posse of penis-lovers ever?  [Mollygood]

Jenna Jameson showed up at some party this week looking all sorts of fugly.  If you can't count on someone who has sex professionally to be hot, who can you count on?  [Source: IDLYITW]

Oh right, Jessica Biel.  [Source: WWTDD]

I hope you can forgive all the ugliness in this post!
Next Friday, we'll get back to this stuff.  Promise.  [Source: Egotastic]

- Kate