105%

105% Issue #24

by 105%-O-Matic June 25, 2007



105% - The Opposite of News

I like big butts, and I cannot tell a lie.
-George Washington
-Jeremy Gundel
Prelude to Disappointment
"Sweet, The Importance of Being Earnest. This will be even better than Slam Dunk Ernest.
- Tom Sunnergren
Guy who created Dramatic Chipmunk clip goes to a bar:
Yeah, then I added the music and I was like, you know what? This is gonna be huge. Hello? Where are you going? Come Ba-- damn.
-Amir B.
I fear Smokey the Bear has put too much faith in my fire fighting abilities.
-Streeter Seidell
They say no news is good news. That is, unless you work at a newspaper.
-Neil Padover
It is unacceptable to dress up your pet in silly outfits, unless you own an orangutan.
-Jeff Rubin
In beer pong, it's not about winning or losing. It's about giving it your all, trying your best. It's about giving 220 proof.
-Evan Kovarik
Sassy Helen Keller
"Talk to the hand, 'cause the face was rendered immobile by scarlet fever."
-Patrick Cassels
I was dating an Asian girl for two years, but it turned out I was cheating on her the whole time.
-Cortez
Daniel Pearl's Wife in 2000
Wife: I wish to be played by Angelina Jolie in a movie.
Evil genie: Your wish is my command! MUAHAHAA!
Wife: Awesome, my girlfriends are going to be so jealous.
-Brian Paulsen
Send your 105% submissions to 105percent @ gmail dot com
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