My day answering the phones for a bank

by Lincoln Hawk on August 09, 2007

Cust: The customer calls in screaming profanities

You: I am sorry Mam, I don’t speak Nazi

Cust: Why can’t you find that info.

You: Mam, I don’t even have a computer. I am the janitor and I’m snaking the toilet as we speak. How did you get my cell number?

Cust: Why can’t you reissue my credit card?

You: Right now with your credit scores we can only lend you a half eaten sandwich and a diet caffeine free soda.

Cust: Why do I have to identify all that personal info?

You: So the terrorists listening on the other line can write it down

Cust: I have had my account open for 5 days can I get a credit limit increase

You: No, but here is the keys to my car and a golden pony, anything else I can help you with. Maybe a backrub?

Cust: Why is your website so difficult?

You: Because it is used for CIA training. Congratulations you have been accepted into the program. An unmarked car will be there to pick you up in an hour?

Cust: Why can’t you find my account, just by my first name alone

You: I am sorry Mam, we do not live inside the Matrix

Cust: I would like to speak to a manger now!

You: I would like to kick the nightlight and stop wetting the bed. But we both need to stop shooting for the stars and come down to reality.

Cust: Why can’t you quote me a payoff?

You: Because I didn’t pass eight grade math. I also have a learning disability with severe ADD and I am currently jacked up on mountain dew

Cust: Wow, you have a large hold time today.

You: We always do on waterslide Wednesday. I bet I’ve swallowed a gallon of water today

Cust: Were do I find the bank routing number

You: Well, their should be a map under your chair. It will lead you. You will first hike thru Goblin canyon, you will raft down Crocodile River, then you should reach a cave and inside you will find a dancing leprechaun after you solve his riddle you will get that info. Good luck and Godspeed.

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