1:33 AM- There! Oh man, that is sooo sick. Way funnier than the usual stuff they post. I mean, it’s even funnier than the spring break picture I did of me doing that spelling-‘blood’-with-my-fingers-thing. I still can’t believe that didn’t get any likes. Some people just don’t get the complexities of irony. I wish everyone was as smart as the Big Dawg… I rule.

1:34 AM- Still not posted yet- I guess these things take time, you know? Oh man, I can’t wait until that screening dude sees it- he’s gonna die! I wonder if he’ll just move it to be a national pick right away? I bet he does. He’ll know this is qual when he sees it!

1:38 AM- Hmm, still not posted yet? I wonder when that screener dude gets to work? Is it 9-5, or 10-6? Oh, but then the time zones! I bet he works weird hours. Better stay up, just to be safe.

1:39 AM- I wonder if I get free stuff if it’s a national pick? I mean, like a t-shirt or something. Maybe a Busted Tee. Maybe I get to date the Busted Tee girl! Just messing! But I totally bet she would want to date if this becomes a national pick. That chick is hot.

1:40 AM- What if this BECOMES a Busted Tee? If that happens, I would so never need to work again- I could just live off of the royalties or something. That would be so ill. Still no postage.

The checking continues for twelve hours.

1:34 PM- HOLY $*%# IT’S POSTED!! Oh my God that is FUNNY!! I started doubting myself there around hour nine, but it truly does rock. I am so much smarter and wittier than everyone. But wait- should the Big Dawg link it to facebook or not? I think… the Big Dawg shall not. The Big Dawg doesn’t just want all his friends to just put up “likes” or whatever cause they know him- this baby deserves to blow up on its own.

1:35 PM- No comments, no likes.

1:36 PM- No comments, no likes.

1:40 PM- OH MY GOD THERE’S A COMMENT! This is soooo sick! Big Dawg is all tingly inside! Okay, and the comment is… “first.”

1:43 PM- One comment, no likes.

1:48 PM- One comment, no likes. Big Dawg's buzz is on the decline.

1:50 PM- TWO COMMENTS AND ONE LIKE!!! THIS IS AWESOME!!!! Okay, chill. And the second comment is… “haha, this is funny!” YES!! I AM A GOD AMONG MEN!! Wait- there’s more… “but I think we should bomb Israel and give that land to the radical Islamo-Facists. That way, they will stop attacking us.” Wait, what?

1:51 PM- Two comments, one like.I’m sure that guy was just joking. I mean, that’s like the worst idea ever, right? Everyone will see that. Besides, everyone will just be focusing on the sheer epic-ness of this posting that they won’t even pay attention to that guy. And anyways- this bad boy has a like. That means the Big Dawg made someone’s day that much more awesome. Now no one can say Big Dawg doesn’t give back to the world. I’m like a crazy chick-slaying-Mother Teresa or something. Man, that’s such a tight post by me…

1:53 PM- Three comments, one like. SWEET- probably someone complementing me on the tasty post. AND it’s by a chick! AND she looks kinda hot! Well, actually she's a little chunky, but def slay-able. I knew this would help me get chicks! Big Dawg is gettin’ laid tonight! And she says: “this is a rebuttal to the previous statement,” okay, that’s not good… “i disagree with your previous posting and think that the jews do have a right to a homeland.” Okay, the Big Dawg is definitely pro-free speech and whatever, so if she wants to say that, that’s cool. Just some harmless words being exchanged, nothing too feisty: “i derive that conclusion from the bible, because the bible should be taken literally and christians are infallible. oh, and gay marriage is wrong : o )” The Big Dawg is reminded why he hates fat chicks.

1:54 PM- Seven comments, one like. Hmm. That’s a lot of commentary.

1:55 PM- Twenty-nine comments, one like.

1:56 PM- Eighty-three comments… Christ, what are these people even saying? “…and for those reasons, if you are against stem cell research, you are pro-stabbing-old-people-in-the-face.” WHAT DOES THAT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE BIG DAWG’S POST?!? You know, whatevs. At least the Big Dawg has a like.

1:57 PM- One-hundred-and-fifty-seven comments, one like.

1:59 PM- Three-hundred-ninety-nine comments, zero likes. Big Dawg is going to watch tv now. Stupid internet...