Fast food restaurant. Day.
CASHIER: Next, please.
FRANK: (Pulls out a gun and points it at the cashier.) All right, this is a stick-up! Empty the drawers! Empty the freaking drawers!
(The doors fly open. Enter THE CRITICIZER.The Criticizer is a middle aged woman wearing a cardigan with cats on it.)
CASHIER: It’s The Criticizer! We’re saved.
CRITICIZER: Put the gun down. You 're doing this all wrong.
FRANK: (Points the gun at Criticizer.) Hey! What’re you doing? Get down on the floor.
CRITICIZER: Excuse me, am I mistaken or you leave your name tag from Wal-Mart on your shirt? Frank? What kind of name is Frank for a robber? I could’ve taken Q-Dog or Ice or something cool like that, but Frank?
FRANK: Shut you mouth and kiss the floor!
CRITICIZER: Is that really the best you can do? Honestly, I’m not that scared. Maybe if you put more emphasis on the floor. Or maybe you could use the f-word. That might be nice. Do you want to try that?
FRANK: What the fuck are you talking about lady!
CRITICIZER: No, that’s not it. I don’t know, maybe it’s not the words. You know, the way you hold your gun… it’s really feminine.
FRANK: Feminine?
CRITICIZER: Very feminine, you look like one of those nice boys on Bravo.
FRANK: No, I don’t!
CRITICIZER: Whoa, touched a sore-spot. (Singsong) Ba-by!
FRANK: I’m not a baby; you’re a baby!
CRITICIZER: You have misshapen ears.
FRANK: What? (Feels ears) No I don’t!
CRITICIZER: Your right one is lower… and they do this droopy thing. They look like someone nailed two gobs of silly putty at either side of your head.
FRANK: Shut up before I blow a hole in your face.
CRITICIZER: I’m still not feeling the aggression. Have you thought of doing something else for a living, something that fits your personality; like a hairdresser or something?
FRANK: Shut up!
CRITICIZER: Oh! Just look at those small hands! They’re like a baby’s! Little hobbit hands! That’s so cute! Where’s the ring! Where’s the ring!
FRANK: My hands are normal.
CRITICIZER: (Gollum voice.) My Precious!
FRANK: Stop it!
CRITICIZER: You know what they say about small hands? Well, course you do, you’ve been hearing it from women all your life.
FRANK: Please, just be cool. Stop.
FRANK: (Drops gun and starts crying. The Criticizer handcuffs Frank and leads him out the door.) Mom?
by Christian Honce at Berea
by Shawn Dobbins at University of Wisconsin - La Crosse
by Sarah Schneider at Wake Forest
"Skynet will prove and disprove the existence of our puny 'God' seven times before you finish reading this sentence..."
How can you run from evil if you can't even jump over a fence?
Our graduates are prepared to take on WoW.
A quick, easy way to find out whether or not you're an alcoholic is if you cried at this.
Live with a dick on your face or die. Make your choice.
700+ rivet n washer used so far, two part resin urethane helmet
Check out more comics at http://fantasticgrandpa.com/
Recording...
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