I sit in my living room watching TV with my best friend Sam Donovan while my dog, Samson Blackjack, lays at my feet...
Me: ...Dane Cook is really starting to piss me off. I mean, get over it.
Sam: What the hell are you talking about? Cook is the modern Seinfeld. Observations, dude! We live his jokes!
Me: Whatever. Agree to disagree.
Sam: Idiot.
...a few seconds of silence pass by...
Me: I love you Sam. You're my little guy.
Sam: What? Are you-- what'd you just say?
Me: What?
Sam: You just said you loved me and that I'm your little guy.
Me: No you fag ass, I was talking to my dog. Get over yourself Dane.
Sam: Oh...*laughs*...I thought you were talking to me, creepy.
...a few more seconds pass by...
Sam: So tonight, do you want to--
Me: I really think you're a cute boy Sam. I love giving you kisses.
Sam: Dude what the fuck? What are you trying to do?
Me: Holy shit man I was talking to my dog. Can you relax for a minute and get comfortable. You know that I have a girlfriend that I love.
Sam: True. It's just that, everything you're saying could go both ways.
Me: Yea, well, I guess I could go both ways.
Sam: What does that even mean?
Me: Forget it, you're so gay.
...the next few seconds seem to take an eternity with the amount of awkward that fills the air; it's palpable and can be cut with a knife...
Me: Listen Sam, I just want to say that I think about you when you're not here and that I really enjoy everytime we make physical contact.
Sam: Alright asshole. There's no way that you were talking to your dog that time.
Me: Wow, you're ridiculous. I was merely saying that whenever Sam goes to the vet I miss him and that I like petting him and wrestling around. Not unlike when you and I wrestle. Can I show some affection to my dog without you accusing me of making a move on you? God, you're not even my type.
Sam: You're ty--?
Me: You're so gay sometimes. I don't even know why I bother.
...unbearable seconds tick past...
Me: I'm wearing your underwear.
by Tom at Providence
by CH Staff
by 105%-O-Matic at Bucks County Community College
"Skynet will prove and disprove the existence of our puny 'God' seven times before you finish reading this sentence..."
How can you run from evil if you can't even jump over a fence?
Our graduates are prepared to take on WoW.
A quick, easy way to find out whether or not you're an alcoholic is if you cried at this.
*facepalm*
Perfect for tree forts, tree houses, club houses, and anywhere girls and grown-ups are not allowed.
Be a pal and vote for vader girl!
"I am your... Mother."
Recording...
Facebook
Twitter
YouTube
MySpace
