I sit in my living room watching TV with my best friend Sam Donovan while my dog, Samson Blackjack, lays at my feet...
Me: ...Dane Cook is really starting to piss me off. I mean, get over it.
Sam: What the hell are you talking about? Cook is the modern Seinfeld. Observations, dude! We live his jokes!
Me: Whatever. Agree to disagree.
Sam: Idiot.
...a few seconds of silence pass by...
Me: I love you Sam. You're my little guy.
Sam: What? Are you-- what'd you just say?
Me: What?
Sam: You just said you loved me and that I'm your little guy.
Me: No you fag ass, I was talking to my dog. Get over yourself Dane.
Sam: Oh...*laughs*...I thought you were talking to me, creepy.
...a few more seconds pass by...
Sam: So tonight, do you want to--
Me: I really think you're a cute boy Sam. I love giving you kisses.
Sam: Dude what the fuck? What are you trying to do?
Me: Holy shit man I was talking to my dog. Can you relax for a minute and get comfortable. You know that I have a girlfriend that I love.
Sam: True. It's just that, everything you're saying could go both ways.
Me: Yea, well, I guess I could go both ways.
Sam: What does that even mean?
Me: Forget it, you're so gay.
...the next few seconds seem to take an eternity with the amount of awkward that fills the air; it's palpable and can be cut with a knife...
Me: Listen Sam, I just want to say that I think about you when you're not here and that I really enjoy everytime we make physical contact.
Sam: Alright asshole. There's no way that you were talking to your dog that time.
Me: Wow, you're ridiculous. I was merely saying that whenever Sam goes to the vet I miss him and that I like petting him and wrestling around. Not unlike when you and I wrestle. Can I show some affection to my dog without you accusing me of making a move on you? God, you're not even my type.
Sam: You're ty--?
Me: You're so gay sometimes. I don't even know why I bother.
...unbearable seconds tick past...
Me: I'm wearing your underwear.
by Tom at Providence
by Sarah Schneider at Wake Forest
by Alex Schmidt at Syracuse
Amir launches the first aerial attack in the war's four year history.
A funny picture from CollegeHumor
So many different shows, you won't realize they're exactly the same!
Recording...
Facebook
Twitter
YouTube
MySpace
