Dad: We’re really gonna miss you, son.The house will seem so empty without you around.
Mom: It was so nice to meet all you lovely young gentlemen. Take good care of my son.
Your roommates: We will.
Dad: Well, we’re off.
Mom: Good by sweetie pie, we love you soooooo much.Kisses!
(Mom kisses you)
You: Mom, stop it you’re embarrassing me.
Mom: Oh, sorry sweetie.
Dad: Enjoy these years, son…because there’s nothing fun about working for a living.
You: Ummm okay, I will.
Mom: I gave you some Robitusson.
Dad: Don’t drink it all at once.You know what I mean by that?
You: …Alright!
Mom: Oh, I almost forgot! I made you a quilt.
(Mom hands you homemade quilt)
You: Gee, thanks Mom.
(You roll your eyes)
Mom: It took me a long time to make, so be sure not to let anything happen to it
Dad: Do you know how to get a semen stain out, son?
You: What?
Mom: Oh I think we all know he won’t have to worry about that any time soon.
Dad: Oh I almost forgot…don’t forget to call us as soon as you finally lose your viriginity.
You: Dad, please…
Dad: And use a condom…I bought you a few boxes.
Mom: Do you know about ‘pleasing’ a woman?
You: Honestly, Mom?
Mom: Because your father sure doesn’t.
Dad: Son, I might be moving out of the house soon, so if you ever need a drinking buddy, Ill be free to make the drive down.
Mom: Learn from your father’s mistakes…don’t become an alcoholic.
Dad: Don’t marry the first woman you meet…you’ll become an alcoholic.
Mom: Hey, don’t try and blame it on me.
Dad: How can I not?
Mom: Well maybe, if you didn’t have such a small penis our love life wouldn’t be in shambles.
Dad: Maybe if you didn’t fuck my brother I might still love you.
You: Both of you just get out of here!!!This is the worst day of my life.
Mom: Sorry sweetie.
Dad: We love you, son. Take care of yourself.
(Dad gives you a pat on the back)
Dad: Oh, and try not to wet the bed.
Recording...
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