While you were busy secretly watching Gossip Girl, there was actual gossip happening, girl! Here's what you missed:

Count off!

1. Lindsay Lohan's all fat and delicious in rehab! You know, fat - like she looks like she might now eat something other than grapes and cigarette butts. Speaking of butts - we like her new one. Seriously, we would girl tap this piece. [WWTDD]

1a. Lindsay is probably doing so well in rehab because she allegedly spent most of her time there f*cking an old rocker dude who hearts bandanas and young poon. [Egotastic]

1b. Steve-o stopped stapling his nuts to his leg long enough to reveal that LiLo once stole coke from his house. 'Cept she calls it "boog suge." This also seems like an appropriate nickname for.... [DListed]

2. The most beautiful girl in the world!!

2a. Britney is dumber than her one-year old kid. Here she is bringing a margarita in the car with her after leaving a recording studio. Not only is it illegal, but it's not some shit a mom should do. Mom's secretly drink vodka in Sprite bottles. Learn it! [CelebSlam]

3. Sienna Miller was photographed naked shooting her new movie (LOOK AT THE PICS!), and now she's pissed off that cameras where allowed nearby. I bet Jude Law's wife was pissed off when Sienna started fucking her ex-hubs. Karma, bitch! [WWTDD]

4. Now here is some sexiness:

I hope you guys are "mature" (I know, I sound like a grandmother) enough to see the bonetastic beauty in that piece of pregtastic ass. Bring it! Baby weight! [HollywoodTuna]

5. Here's Christina Aguilera also showing off that sexalicious baby bump. [IDLYITW]

6. It kind of makes me sad that Jessica Simpson works her ass off to look hot in some shitty movie that you know is gonna go straight to video. Still, I want her legs on my body. [WWTDD]

7. OMG, Heidi Montag admits that her nose n' tits are as fake as her boyfriend!!!

Interesting how plastic surgery also made her greasier. [DListed]

8. Paris Hilton is dating some 22-year old Swedish pizza boy who was spending the summer in LA for fun. Bet he didn't know that fun included herpes! [DListed]

9. Kanye West is totally lovable - when he's hammered. See? [DListed]

10. Not so lovable - Kiefer Sutherland - who got his 4th DUI this week. How can Jack Bauer save the world from imminent nuclear death if he's hammered? Shame.
Also, this:

Yup. That's him. [CelebSlam]

If only this country was a Kid Nation, we'd all be...eating chicken.
- Kate