I remember when I first got facebook. It was simple, clean, my friends weren't getting hacked and trying to sell me things, I could send a message without loading fifty pictures and a song. It was great. Then facebook decided to redesign itself. Put selections as drop down menus and give you a side bar. Little things like that. I didn't really have a problem with it. That is not until the application was added.

I admit I found a lot of them handy. When it was first released I added a few things like a music player that showed my favorite bands, a menu that shows my favorite movies (which I still have because I think everyone needs to see 'Pulp Fiction' and 'The Boondock Saints' at some point in their lives), and even a thing that said I was a pirate. Why the hell not, right? I mean, who doesn't like pirates?

Oh I was so very wrong. This pirate has levels. Levels. This pirate has now turned into a hierarchy style Dungeons & Dragons game. I just thought to myself "if I don't play, I won't get hooked". But the pirate had friends. The pirate brought along zombies and vampires and Dane Cook quotes and sports bets. Soon I was flooded with plenty of god knows what. Removing my pirate didn't stop them, it only increased the "invites".

Why the hell would I accept something that says "A zombie just bit you"? What the hell is the advantage to being a zombie?! You have no control over your body and eventually you'll either get killed or die of hunger when the entire world is taken over by the things and there's nobody left to eat. Trust me, I could go on forever about zombies, but it doesn't end there! I tried "Fight Club"! It isn't really a fight club! It's more like a "Sit at your computer at wait for a 'fight' to be over at midnight so you can be the last one to click a button" game. THAT SHIT IS NOT FUN! Stop fooling yourselves!I'm all for supporting my friends in "leveling up" and everything, but if I don't want to become a vampire because I don't want to click something that says "You've been bitten. Do you accept?", then guess what, I'M NOT GOING TO ACCEPT BEING F'ING BITTEN! Getting bitten is not my "thing".

Seriously, they're getting worse than those chain letter emails that say "If you don't send this to ten people in five minutes a bloody little girl with fangs will come out from under your bed tonight and eat off your right nipple". I don't know, but when those emails were everywhere all the time I would sleep with a crowbar under my bed. Not for that reason, I just had a crowbar conveniently under my bed. I'd also reply to those people saying that if I had gotten that email before them I would have been a good friend and fought off the nipple biting monster instead of f'ing over ten of your "friends" for my own sake. Asshole.

Not everything is an invite to be a monster though. Like the "Fight Club" application there's things like pokes and compare people, which are nice since I can choose to ignore them when I want but they're also entertaining. But Fight Club and Drinks? Stop it. If you want to fight me then come over and fight me, that's a lot more fun. If you're going to send me a drink, then actually send me a drink. If you want me to support a cause, bring me to a rally or something. Are you seeing a pattern here? Stop with the repetitive invites. I'm not going to fight your Vampire, I'm not going to send you a drink anytime soon, and I'm not going to "fight you" unless I can actually fight you.

Have a nice day.